There's always this table, on which books pile up high, in one of the local grocery stores, the ShopRite of Edison township. Sometimes one or two precariously perched books on top would fall off when an inattentive shopper passes by and inadvertently brushes against the table. I've seen the books forever but never noticed them … Continue reading The Cauldron
Author: haoyando
Canopy And Canape
At first I thought it means awning and then I realize it is not spelled canopy, but rather canape, for which Firefox's quick search shows it means those little bite sized dim sum like food. For Asian immigrants like me, hors d'œuvre is a type of dim sum no matter what you say otherwise. Somehow … Continue reading Canopy And Canape
The Year Of Change
I ordered the book "The Barbarians Are Coming", borrowed the book "Pangs Of Love" from Archive.org, and are planning to proceed to Chang-rae Lee's books sometime later. I haven't read any books by Asian American authors for a long time, all because of "Joy Luck Club". It's not that I don't like the book. On … Continue reading The Year Of Change
Likes And Dislikes
I like that here when it is quiet it is truly quiet. Probably this is unachievable in New York City, but in New Jersey it is common. Still it is not as quiet as in the rural area in the nearby state. That's dead quiet. At night, one can hear the howling of coyotes from … Continue reading Likes And Dislikes
Disillusionist
is not a real word (I've checked the dictionary. As a non-native speaker, I'm never completely at east with English), but I think the word is self explanatory when it comes to its meaning. I am a disillusionist, sadly. Whenever I like something and get into that fluffy feeling of being illusioned, I am always … Continue reading Disillusionist
Night Vision
At first I thought it is the word "college", but the sentence just doesn't make sense. Then I realized that it is the word "collage", which I don't know the meaning of. English has so many words and some are confusingly similar. Collage is an epitome of it. Does it have anything to do with … Continue reading Night Vision
Aimless Mind
Too lazy to tidy up. Remember my grandmother who has nine children, but still keep the place so clean and things so in order. Where did she get so much energy for repetitive work? Can't imagine I have nine children. My friend told me that when I have nine children, I will be working harder … Continue reading Aimless Mind
Videos I Like
I can't even remember when I started to watch Monkey Doo and how I started to watch. It probably came to me as a random recommendation since I love to watch animals--big cats of Africa, little cats going to vets, lemurs of Madagascar etc. I have to say once I started with Doo, I can't … Continue reading Videos I Like
The Autumn
Last night I felt that familiar chill--the autumn is approaching. Just knowing it from the calendar doesn't feel real. One has to sense it. However the grass is as green as ever, the leaves as abundant as the summer time. The heat and the humidity during the day are still there, but one feels the … Continue reading The Autumn
From A Text Message
My friend sent me a text message that the resigned Japanese Prime Minister Shinzo Abe is suffering from colitis, the same chronic illness I've been dealing with for more than ten years. None of my friends understand this malady of mine. Whenever I tell them that I have to observe strict diet and can't touch … Continue reading From A Text Message
Overcast
It's overcast, but no rain, no wind, no leaves fly. The tail end of Hurricane Laura passing by, no stir, no bang, only a little sigh about not having sunshine and blue sky. It's the best time for shopping-- first stop restaurant W for takeout. It used to be so popular that patrons swarming, but … Continue reading Overcast
Evaluations
Whenever I chat with Amazon or WordPress for assistance of one kind or another, I receive an email afterwards to ask me to evaluate my experience. I hate evaluations in general, and also in principle--giving or receiving--but I know evaluation is necessary for a functional business or society. Surely without holding ourselves to a standard, … Continue reading Evaluations
Memories of Girlfriends
I can't believe how good this book is, "Writing With Intent". I've bought this book for a year and haven't gone around to read it until now. I think it's because I got it at the end of my feverish obsession with Atwood's work--finally the enthusiasm waned and I didn't finish Testament and another book, … Continue reading Memories of Girlfriends
So Easy
I am not a computer expert, but my friends will come to me with their little computer issues, for example virus issues, attachment problem etc. I am flattered with the vote of confidence, but I have to say their confidence is rather misplaced. I think the misunderstanding comes from the fact that I like to … Continue reading So Easy
The Unbearable Software
Archive.org is the most beloved and most generous organization that has ever existed, but there's a catch and it's in the form of the software "Adobe Digital Editions" (ADE) that one has to deploy in order to read those borrowed books. One can't have one without having the other and ADE is the perfect evil … Continue reading The Unbearable Software
Subjectivity
It's read and read again, by people here and there, far and near. Different wiring of our brain-- some cheer, some jeer, some unclear. I feel like a country lout visiting a city, not sure what's good, what's bad, what's gritty. My praise, too earthy; my details, too petty. The worst concerns criticism, for which … Continue reading Subjectivity
Neighbors
The concept of neighbor has somehow changed, for me at least. I mean it is different in the States than in my hometown where I grew up. The dynamics between neighbors are completely different. When I was young, we lived in places with communal restrooms and communal kitchens. When I was in middle school, my … Continue reading Neighbors
Noodles and Salt and Vinegar
My friend L once said that sometimes you wake up in the morning with a craving for ramen noodles, the kind with a dangerously high level of salt, combined with the flavor of scallion and dried seaweed. I've never had such an urge like L, who's so good at cooking that she could serve as … Continue reading Noodles and Salt and Vinegar
Another Misunderstanding
"Understanding Japan" starts slow but getting more interesting as it progresses towards the modern era. I have always been interested in Japan but haven't read books about it--so much for my interest. I hope you don't see me as a fraud. The people who are really into Japan would learn the Japanese language, immersed in … Continue reading Another Misunderstanding
Idle Evening
Finally, after setting up the lamp for a week, I got four light bulbs from Shoprite, but it turns out not the kind I want. The light is obviously yellow or even orange-ish, but it says "soft white" on the package. I can't return them. Even if they don't have a "Pandemic No Return" policy, … Continue reading Idle Evening
Finishing Up
I am finishing up this book #2 in the Bridget Jones series. The best parts of the book are those conversations between the girls, which can be even more biting if the author is not intentionally toning it done to suit her romantic theme. They are wonderful. I gave the first book five stars due … Continue reading Finishing Up
Can’t Complain
It takes me a little while to get used to the phrase "can't complain" as a common greeting. I am still a little puzzled, but not as puzzled as before. It probably means "can complain, but if complain, you will be considered selfish, rude, inconsiderate, or ignorant." That's my current understanding that it means I … Continue reading Can’t Complain
How To Persuade A Friend
My friend insists that he should queue for one day at the DMV to renew his driver license. He's unwilling to wait and no amount of my advice can persuade him otherwise. I tried. I told him police won't care for the next two months whether his license is expired or not, but he refuses … Continue reading How To Persuade A Friend
Block and Unblock
Something small but not trivial, big but not boasting, routine but not insignificant, down to earth but not vulgar. And what is it then? A vague idea one way or another. How to be disciplined as well as imaginative? Without the former, no work is done; without the later, no work is worthwhile. A call … Continue reading Block and Unblock
Unexciting Shopping Trip
After rearrange the living room, I find it's necessary to buy another light for the corner. Why? There's no such need for the previous setting where the sofa was close to the window. I had not realized it until this year when I had to work from home that the sunlight is too much for … Continue reading Unexciting Shopping Trip
Catnip
I feel groggy and listless today, most likely due to the fact that I finished the book "Bridget Jones Diary" yesterday. For many years, I've tried to refrain from reading it. For one thing, I've read too many fan novels; for another, I've seen the movie. Still, for some unexplained reason, I borrowed it from … Continue reading Catnip
Listless Sunday
Waking up at 8:30 but not feeling rested. Why? It's not like I was escaping a tiger in my dream and running breathlessly. I can't even remember having a dream, just sleep without the air-conditioning on for the first time in many days. Why feeling so tired? Hope I am not contracting the virus. I … Continue reading Listless Sunday
Another Stormy Day
Distant thunder, darkened sky, humidity high. Wind starts, dusts fly, leaves shake and cry. Rain is expected, but not coming yet. Schedules affected, write it down in case I forget. I am not sure how the story goes, what he or she does, how he poses or how she clothes. Things good or bad or … Continue reading Another Stormy Day
Dream Come True
That's impossible to achieve, I know, but I'd like him to try to reach that goal. When he has something useful to do, idleness and mischief he won't have time to pursue. Play psychological game with her son. She thinks it is smart and fun. How about something achievable, make a plan and do something … Continue reading Dream Come True
Dance Fitness
I dance with Fitness Marshall, to whose YouTube video I'm partial. Suddenly a bejeweled figure whirling, in a corner of the screen. Is that Pryanka turning and twirling, in a Bollywood movie I haven't seen? The music in old old black and white "Awaara", so distinct, so sad, but strangely you can dance to it. … Continue reading Dance Fitness
A Restaurant In Trouble
It is arguably the best Asian restaurant in our area. Whenever I drive past it now, I feel such a sadness that the parking lot is almost empty, no outside sitting area is available, and sometimes I could see one or two lonely figures, probably the owner, chef, or one of the waiters, smoking at … Continue reading A Restaurant In Trouble
The New Film
Isn't it strange that there will be a new film "Martin Eden" made by an Italian-French team? The reason "Martin Eden" is very important to me is because it is the first book I've ever bought and read completely in English. I still remember on the first page, there's a word "smack", for which when … Continue reading The New Film
Nowhere and Anywhere
Even the north pole is 38 degrees Celsius. That's 95 Fahrenheit or higher? Why bother, nobody I know is living there. It's the online Asian news, telling you disasters here, there, everywhere. Polar bear is starving, permafrost on fire, igniting a forest with flame raging, from the melting ice, new islands emerging, an arctic competition … Continue reading Nowhere and Anywhere
The Distance
of eighty miles is nothing, a two-hour drive barely. If our friendship is something, I should go monthly. There are people who travel weekly from New Jersey to Flushing, Queens only for dumplings, or a homely straw mat. I am not one of those since I am too lazy, a true tortoise, with no ambition … Continue reading The Distance
Discovery
At the parking lot of a store, a man was unloading something from the back of a truck. He turned around and shouted at me, repeating something as if he's chanting. I couldn't make out what he was saying. A woman drove by and heard the shouting. "Oh, it's closed, right? Thank you." She said, … Continue reading Discovery
Otter, Monkey, Cat
My friend L is obsessed with watching TikTok videos. More than once he showed me some bizarre clips of unbelievable feats, which I was not interested, causing him to accuse me of not paying enough attention to friends in general. I think that's an unfair criticism. I am very interested in my friends and actually … Continue reading Otter, Monkey, Cat
Minimum Chores
I don't know what minimalism is, but minimizing chores must be a bliss. Time used to be allocated to tackle dirt, mess, garbage accumulated. Then the discipline wanes day by day, cleaning plans suffer delay after delay. I say I am a tortoise or sloth, slow and unclean. Laziness is in my gene. I say … Continue reading Minimum Chores
Such A Long Line
My friend needs to renew his license and I have to be there to translate for him. I thought 8:30AM is a pretty early hour to be at DMV, but when I arrived there I was shocked to find a line starting from the entrance of the one story bungalow type of building, winding its … Continue reading Such A Long Line
Political Symbol
Once I was having lunch with a friend. I can't remember which symphony by which composer that I said I really liked when I was back in college, but I do remember what this friend said in reply, not her exact words, but the fact that when one says one like a symphony by a … Continue reading Political Symbol
A Friend’s Admiration
A friend calls, asking me to translate for him to renew his license, and applying for this and that on internet. I like this friend because he admires me without a trace of envy or reserve. I help him write a letter to the government, he raves about my skills. I help him write his … Continue reading A Friend’s Admiration
During The Storm
The lights come and go, come and go, as if a ghost in the wire. From a slit of opening in the window, gust of air rush in, to frighten or to inspire. Dirt, leaves, water all mixed up in the wind--the smell of a storm. The sun comes out before the clouds take over … Continue reading During The Storm
The Italian Garden
She lived two blocks from me, at a corner of a quiet street with a church not far away. I can't remember the church's name, but I remember it's a female saint of some sort, not very English though, but rather of those people of Mediterranean. Somehow I've always imagined she and her husband are … Continue reading The Italian Garden
The Coming Storm
The coming storm, tonight and tomorrow, Forty or sometimes seventy miles wind blow. It's calm now, just look out the window, but something ominous in the air, I know. Remember Sandy, more than seven years ago? What a wild gusty day, when sky's grey, nerves fray, and even the cat stops to play. The TV … Continue reading The Coming Storm
Old Blinds
How old are those blinds--they were always there. The sun shines through and through when I sit in my chair. Whichever way I turn, sunlight on me all afternoon. I daze, I heat up, my mind feels like a balloon. Change the blinds, but they are half functioning. Go to office, but we work from … Continue reading Old Blinds
Tofu Project
Gypsum dissolved, soy milk heated, Alas, the watery mixture is not what I wanted. Which step is missed or uncompleted? Failure is not mother of success-- give up right now, but nevertheless I have to swallow the mess. Throwing away this is wasteful. Of all things, most distasteful. Rules I grew up with, still earful.
Sleepless
I stayed up until 4AM last night to finish "A Girl With Seven Names" and I've been groggy the whole day today, even when I was out grocery shopping. What a story. I've read "A Thousand Miles To Freedom", and "In Order To Live" before. There are a lot of similarities between the three books, … Continue reading Sleepless
Aimless Sunday
Sunny, cloudy, few drops falling, then sunny with humidity again. Suddenly a big roar from above-- the store has a warehouse roof, unadorned and echoing. It must be the shower. Strain my eyes to look outside, too myopic to see the raindrops. The noise is fantastic, drowning his and my voice. "How much is it?" … Continue reading Aimless Sunday
A Vietnam Veteran
I went to the 7-Elevan on Woodbridge Avenue to pick up my food grade gypsum for my tofu project. Amazon said it's going to deliver on Saturday, but it arrives one day sooner. Also the wall clock stopped ticking and I had to order a wall clock too. Amazon gives you a six number code … Continue reading A Vietnam Veteran
What A Joke
It's so hot that I just have to have a popsicle, which is probably fit for retirement in the realm of frozen treats. I can't remember when I bought it--probably three months ago or even longer. However eating expired food or taking expired pills has never been a problem for me. How wasteful it is … Continue reading What A Joke
Past and Present
I cannot understand the debate of using present tense vs. using past tense in writing a story. It doesn't make any difference to me, but since I am not a native speaker of English, I thought I could learn something from the debate and how other people feel about this issue. So far I haven't … Continue reading Past and Present
So Hot
So hot, no trip to stores, groans about daily chores. Prays for rains, even if it pours. No stove top cooking for days. Any fire is painful to gaze. Microwaved dishes amaze. The cool artificial air, modern men's welfare, as indispensable as dental care. But I dream of the old bamboo mat, patterned and flat, … Continue reading So Hot
Help Desk
My fire tablet has been behaving strangely. One morning, the time was wrong and couldn't be reset manually. I checked online and somebody said that it's because of the synchronization error between the tablet and the wifi router. I didn't even know there's any communication between the tablet and the wifi beyond the internet connection. … Continue reading Help Desk
Turtle Or Sloth
Sloth or turtle? I ask myself. Probably turtle, since sloths only exist in South America, not Asia. Turtles are a different story--they are everywhere. I will call myself a turtle then, though I still need to become more patient to be worthy of the name. Turtle is my grandma's favorite animal. Not that she kept … Continue reading Turtle Or Sloth
Only Five Minutes
It takes five minutes to get the soup to boil in the microwave--no stove for me until the weather cools. Five minutes. I have to stand there, staring blankly at nothing, counting each second while the machine whirred, the lighted interior fogging up, the bowl making familiar turnaround. It feels a long time, like those … Continue reading Only Five Minutes
Coagulation
I didn't know the word "coagulation" before my plan of making tofu myself. I could have encountered it in a description of a blood clot, but no, I haven't. I am not very interested in books with gory details and probably that's why I've missed a whole pile of words concerning the behavior of blood. … Continue reading Coagulation
A Girl In Aldi Grocery Store
I saw her again yesterday, the Asian girl in her dark Aldi shirt, her pretty round face with a perpetual frown, her aversion thinly veiled behind tepid greetings, her young limbs tired of the grocery routine. Her colleagues are more resigned and even good humored, but she is bitter. Her bitterness is conspicuous, but it's … Continue reading A Girl In Aldi Grocery Store
Forgotten Idea
A lot of cars on the road, and I was driving to the store, one idea rushing in, following another. It's annoying. Whenever I am out of the door, they tend to show up. Such inopportune moment, why bother? I drove home after visiting the store. Everything is forgotten. I try hard to recall. Where … Continue reading Forgotten Idea
Altitude vs. Elevation
I don't know the difference between the word altitude and elevation when Edison Township's relation to the sea level is concerned. Probably altitude is too big a word for Edison, which poses only 39 feet above, about the height of a three story building, not enough to defend itself against an angry sea, but probably … Continue reading Altitude vs. Elevation
Impasses
“The Winslow Case” is the best of the three, better than “The Browning Version” or “The Deep Blue Sea”, not only due to its optimistic ending, but also owing to the fact that it has more twists in the plot, more hope in its characters no matter how vague, and more cheerful furniture in the … Continue reading Impasses
The Rainstorm
The darkened sky, the roaring thunder. The rainstorm follows and raindrops fly. When can I come up with something, I wonder? My fingers are tired of waiting without typing, my eyes weary of staring without seeing a line. Blame my life, too sheltered too cozy without yearning. Blame the weather, too hot too humid for … Continue reading The Rainstorm
Great Trials Or Bad Trials
I only finished five of the lectures of "The Great Trials Of World History", but already I feel that most of these trials are bad trials, not great trials. I think the author did this deliberately and "great" means "famous" rather than "good". The trials of Socrates, Giordano Bruno, Thomas Moor are so bad that … Continue reading Great Trials Or Bad Trials
Ice Cream Truck
In such a hot day, business must be up for the ice cream truck. That's what I thought when the ice cream truck came circling our neighborhood. Then again, I thought in such a hot day, this person, who could have relaxed at home with a cold beer in hand, has to come out to … Continue reading Ice Cream Truck
Don’t Know How In WordPress
Tips show up in my WordPress home every day, but I'm so used to it that it becomes a familiar landscape I don't see, a background noise I don't hear, a recurrence I don't notice. Am I obtuse and stubborn? I wouldn't say yes before but now I am not so sure. Now I know … Continue reading Don’t Know How In WordPress
A Hot Sunday Morning
73F early morning-- sign of a hot Sunday. no rainstorm is forthcoming until the distant Wednesday. No plan to go out-- breathless under face cover, heatstroke when walk about. What has become of me? On a crowded ramshackle bus I used to travel 37C without air conditioning. Under the blazing subtropical sun I used to … Continue reading A Hot Sunday Morning
Following The Trend
Just to follow the trend, I got one book by Mary Trump and two by Ta-Nahisi Coates. Which one to read first? Coates' books are obviously better written and I am itchy to know more about him ever since his very public dispute with Cornel West--why can't they continue to debate, like Sartre and Camus, … Continue reading Following The Trend
Awkward Awakening
My awkwardness at swimming awakened me to something I had not realized before, something blatantly obvious yet hiding in plain sight. I really can't swim, my limbs not coordinating, my movement either too much or not enough, my eyes not opening in water, my body more prone to sinking. I'm just too awkward to swim. … Continue reading Awkward Awakening
Pool Party
They were there before the opening, big shining truck or cute sedan lining the road. Each sitting in their car, waiting, staring, frowning. Suddenly the rusty door creaked open, sky blue water glowed. They were not wearing masks, not swimming, but standing about, talking, laughing on things interesting or boring. The way they hang out, … Continue reading Pool Party
Morning Rhyme
Wake up at six, but dawn is gone, changing lights no more, and twittering birds done. The bright summer sun, clothed in morning gown, mocks me, "too late, no twilight for you; and 'gone', 'done', 'gown' don't rhyme; you have no ear for vowels."
Cries and Crises
I can't go through "Crashes and Crises: Lessons from a History of Financial Disasters" without thinking what I would do if I were involved in any of the disasters listed here. One can do nothing but cry, though tears sound so futile in face of crises like these. This may sound very naive and laughable--my … Continue reading Cries and Crises
Quick Inspection
I got there at 8:30AM. I tried to be there at 8, but my usual sloth habits are rather incompatible with a morning scramble. In my rush out of the door, I forgot to put on sunscreen, gave up the task of taking out the garbage, and refrained from checking messages on the phone. The … Continue reading Quick Inspection
I Have No Idea
What's the extenuated way of saying, "I have no idea?" I don't know what's "cancel culture", what is "cis or trans", what is this perceived infringement on justice and freedom. I just read "A Letter on Justice and Open Debate" and the much longer rebuttal "A More Specific Letter on Justice and Open Debate". All … Continue reading I Have No Idea
The Stormy Weather
I was getting ready to go to the store for some red beans, which is something one should always keep plenty of at home. I thought I have them until I realize that I have run out. The kind I want is not always in stock in the Asian stores around here--each bean bigger, more … Continue reading The Stormy Weather
Arugula And Toona
Now whenever I think of going to the grocery store, I think of Trader Joe's. Not Shoprite, not Audi, not Costco, not HMart, not 99 Ranch, not Kam Man. And not even Wegman's, which used to be my favorite. I don't look into the ingredient panel to weed out all the things with emulsifiers, sorbate, … Continue reading Arugula And Toona
In The Morning
Morning fog, misty tree tops, narrow path with a fallen tree log, --yesterday, there's a storm. More rains here in New Jersey almost every other day. Sometimes it's a whole day of little drops saturating the air. Why can't be more rain in the Steppe, where my Mongolian ancestors roam their horses? Why can't be … Continue reading In The Morning
Don’t Panic
Whenever I read something about certain symptoms of a disease, I feel that I have the disease, though with symptoms in a milder, less perceptible form. For example, stomach ailments, Alzheimer's, amnesia, anxiety, and many different kinds of phobias. I have them all. The only thing I am sure I don't have is skin cancer. … Continue reading Don’t Panic
A Phone Call
"Are you busy?" K called and that's his usual greeting. I want to tell him that as a sloth I am not busy even if I am busy-- that's the trait of a sloth, against all odds of this world. But I won't say that to him. He won't understand a sloth, let alone a … Continue reading A Phone Call
Daily Walk
Tables are cordoned away; movable chairs can't stay; long line meandering Zara-- a big "sale" sign tells all; short line outside a few stores; no line for most. I should be buying something-- a cheap bling; or a summer slip with string; I feel so guilty that I only come here for daily walk. Please … Continue reading Daily Walk
Haoyan Do 