Image by Wednesday is always a tricky day, a little annoying, a little stuck in the middle. The weather too is a little unsure of itself, with clouds darkening in the gathering dusk, and an occasional raindrop falling but not really rainy. I just feel a little moody and whiny today, for no specific reason. I hope I am not becoming like my mother, who complained of her anxiety and discomfort all the time even if nobody dared to bother her, at least in my opinion.
Do you have a friend or a colleague who thinks he or she is a solver of all problems, or a rightful respondent to all questions, or a comprehend-er (what is the word for a person who understand?) of all notions, or the chosen one by deity or fate? I shouldn’t be annoyed but I was–at least a little. I shouldn’t have asked the question, but I did. Well, let it go. Some people only use words to put up a polite front and to block communication. Why do I want to communicate with such people? Why bother? Other people have all given up on this person long ago and I should do the same.
Anyway, I was listening to a book, which is depressing. This also gets on my nerves. I promised that I would not listen to another sad book, but promises sometimes are made to be broken; understanding often turns out to be misunderstanding as far as book reading is concerned. I was cooking and listening to this book while feeling the urge of throwing my kindle tablet out of the window.
I think the root of my unease has nothing to do with the above, but rather it’s about my friend M who is going to go back to mend the relationship and to work on the unworkable. I told her she has to try it and nobody can predict the result; if she wants to give it another chance, she should do it. However in my heart of heart, I know it is risky, if not entirely impossible. The problem with M is that she thinks she is a docile, sweet, malleable girl, but she is not. In my opinion she is as strong and temperamental and stubborn as I am. She thinks she can turn a blind eye to things she doesn’t want to see, but she is not capable of doing that. I mean turning a blind eye needs a much stronger traditional value than she possesses, a much more primitive society than we are in, a much higher economic reward than she can make a claim on.
Well…life goes on no matter what, right path or wrong path, sound or delusional, rain or no rain.
Perish the negative thoughts.
Haoyan Do 
Sometimes people are blind to their own flaws. And your brain sometimes lies to you in order to protect you. So your friend M may truly believe she’s like that but in reality she isn’t.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Oh, there are so many women like my friend M, who try so hard to be considered passive and inept and who try so hard to believe they are passive and inept, but they are in reality not like that at all. They are bitter, stubborn, strong women who try to deny themselves who they really are. It is so heartbreaking to watch.
LikeLiked by 1 person
It really is sad and yes there are many women like that. I hope some day they can stand up and be proud of the strong women they are.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Sometimes we have crappy days and don’t even know exactly why. I should be deliriously happy because I will be moving home in two months, new job, new apartment. And still, this weekend I’m kind of feeling low. Nothing to do, nothing to plan, nothing to pack, the two months until the move seem endless … just reading, waiting and dreading the working week to come. But it’s good to know that this feeling will pass and everything will look brighter again. Hang in there!!!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Oh, I feel about your journey vicariously here. Moving is never easy and our connection with the past just will not go away when we move to a new place or move back home. It will pass, but it will take a bit of time. You are so lucky that you will have friends and relatives waiting for you, and you can take pleasure in your exceptional organizing skills. I can see why you want to go home. With your friends and family around you, you will be happier and healthier.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Fabulous reminder at the end of this post to work through the negative thoughts and then be done with them. 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
So true. We have a lot of these thoughts and they really affect our mood.
LikeLiked by 1 person
You just gotta live your life. Things will work out somehow.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Yes, life goes on no matter what. Let’s hope things will be OK eventually.
LikeLiked by 1 person
There are quite a lot of people who don’t really want a solution to their problem – they just want to vent. They lose interest if you offer a practical course of action.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Yes, I guess people do that. I mean women especially like to do that, probably because people think their problems have no solutions anyway and they just want to shed their emotional burden by venting. Once life is setup in a certain way, it is hard to change it without incurring big financial consequences.
LikeLiked by 1 person
We all have our bad days. Thank you for sharing.
LikeLiked by 1 person