Image by Gosia K. from Pixabay
Recently I have become more aware of my own triggers. Sometimes I am just triggered by certain things and become uncharacteristically excited or agitated.
For example, I remember people pointed out to me I pronounced a person’s name wrong, or I misspelled something, or I mistook one person for another. I just refused to admit it even though in my heart I knew I was wrong. I should have just said I was wrong and I was sorry. End of the story. However I didn’t want to admit it and tried to find excuses for myself while all the time I knew I was an embarrassment…
And I remember yesterday I was quite agitated at one time. I didn’t know why I was so agitated. However today I analyzed myself and realized that I was talking to a person who never listened to me and who always wanted me to listen to her. I was forced into this situation because one has to deal with customers who seek help. However I was subconsciously triggered. Then after the unpleasant conversation, I talked with somebody else about a document. We both agreed on something and he expressed his opinion in his usual style of mixing praise with criticism. Suddenly I just let out a stream of agitated words. I didn’t know why I did it. Now I think I just did it in response to the pressure of the day. I still try to be a good girl and be polite, but I know I am not the person I want to be. I have triggers.
I really have to constantly remind myself of a simple life lesson: stay away from people who don’t enjoy reciprocating in a conversation, or people who just want me to listen in silence. It is easier said than done. Sometimes we have to deal with certain people who are not very pleasant to deal with; sometimes we are attracted by a person’s demeanor; sometimes we mistake politeness for real understanding or real reciprocation; sometimes we feel a connection, which only turns out to be an illusion after more interaction.
Growing up in a narcissistic family, I am the kind of person who’s easy to fall into the trap of a narcissistic friendship, work relationship, or romantic relationship etc. Also I know that I am very bad in keeping a balance, which means I am either too distant or too close, either too non-communicative or too effusive, either too dismissive of somebody’s opinion or too admiring of somebody’s opinion. The normal balance has been disturbed since my childhood and it is hard for me to always sound a right note or be aware of the subtle social cues.
Haoyan Do 
Being able to realize one’s shortcomings is a huge step towards self-improvement. Look at the positives, Haoyan. 🙂
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I snapped back at a dental assistant yesterday and shocked myself but I knew it was triggered by other events in the last 24 hours. It always makes me sad when I realize I am the negative trigger for some people. It is so strange that I am the same person and do me no matter the audience and some people love me, some people hate me, and some people are totally indifferent. Of course, I try to hang out with the people who love me!
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So true. It was triggered by some other things in one’s life. And you are so right about staying away from people who don’t like us and staying away from people who we don’t like. I know it is easier said than done since a lot of life situations are out of our control and we have to do whatever we can manage. Still, “hanging out with people who love me” is important.
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It’s not easy admitting what you are triggered by. Still, one step at a time
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It is true. I haven’t been aware of triggers until now…
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At least you are improving day by day. That is a good sign.
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Haha, I have been doing that, but I know the journey is long.
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It’s definitely harder for kids of narcissists to understand norms and social cues since they grew up so differently. But knowing your triggers helps a lot.
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It is very hard and often they don’t know who to turn to and how to respond to a social situation. I mean they can barely function normally in the society. And often they suffer in silence since people don’t understand them and don’t sympathize with them.
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True, and on top of that narcissists isolate their victims so you’re alone anyway.
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Yes, narcissistic tormentors are awful. I recently talked to a person who refused to acknowledge the existence of narcissism or narcissists. I hope I can make some progress on him. LOL. I am an armchair psychologist.
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You’re giving away your expertise for free, you need to start charging lolll.
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Hahaha, you make me laugh. In an effort to stop narcissism in my family, I have been volunteering so far. LOL.
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Lol you’re kinder than I am. I just cut people out.
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Actually psychologists (or psychiatrists) advise people to quit a narcissistic relationship if they can. That’s the good way to move forward…
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Yes, apparently there is no cure for narcissism. It’s almost impossible for a narcissist to change.
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Knowing these things about yourself does help. Instead of trying to change everything all at once you maybe could take one little thing and work on changing that as a start.
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Yes, I really don’t know how to keep a balance. Either I am too much this way, or too much that way. As a victim of narcissism, I am not good at keeping a balance.
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Just being able to recognize that and know it is a good step, though.
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Thank you. I hope so too. However I know the balance is hard to achieve…
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Very nice.
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