Image by Manfred Richter from Pixabay
This is my 1000th post and I thought I would do something more interesting than my other posts, only to realize that the pressure of producing something better is a little too much to bear. At first I prepared two stories, one is “My Crazy Son-In-Law” and the other is “The Uncanny Resemblance”. Each is interesting in its own ways, but still not interesting enough to be worthy of the honor. So I abandoned the idea.
I thought other ideas would duly arrive, but none so far. This has always been the case for writing–whenever I think I should rise to the occasion, to my dismay I always find myself totally devoid of ideas or thoughts. If it is something else, like tutoring a person, finishing a document etc., one can force oneself to focus and to get it done in time. However such kind of forcefulness will only stop the words flowing and block the writing from happening. I still haven’t figured out how to coax the brain to comply with the importance of exertion for the sake of necessity. The brain doesn’t listen–it has a mind of its own.
Without any idea what to write for this moment of numerical importance, I think I will describe some problems I’ve encountered and what I’ve learned so far. I started writing WP posts at the beginning of the lockdown in 2000 and I thought I would use this platform to practice my writing. I have a small circle of friends and acquaintance, who have always complimented me on my writing. I think they do it just for politeness purposes and try to give some kindly attention to me. However such a good intention of my dear friends has given me a sense of unsubstantiated pride, which has grown with each passing year. When I started my WP posts, I was filled with this kind of over-confidence and self satisfaction–How vain I was and how much I abused my friends’ kindness and generous words.
Now, more than two and half years later, I feel very differently and my confidence has mostly gone. Instead, I am left with a deep dissatisfaction and the feeling of inadequacy. The practice of writing has produced the unexpected result of revealing to me the limited capacity I have. I can’t make a sad story readable, and the more I tried for a tragicomic effect, the more I felt it’s contrived; if I didn’t try at all for effect, it would be just plain old boring. The narrative can drag on, sometimes aimless, sometimes convoluted, sometimes with a pathetic attempt for humor, which doesn’t come out as intended.
And this is not the worst. The worst is that I can’t imagine a character and make him or her believable. I just can’t. All my imagined characters come out ridiculous and laughable and awkward. The only characters that make sense are those who are based on real life persons. Or probably I have a problem of self censure. I guess my narcissistic parents instilled in me the virtue of self torture and self flagellation, from which I can’t escape.
Well, after vent my frustration, I feel much better now. I am glad that I can finally write about the fact that I have nothing to write about.
Haoyan Do 
It is not that difficult to formulate a style of your own, because YOU are… YOU… and your style will become more, and more unique with the passage of time… one thing for sure, I do not detect any form of rambling… or nonsensical utterance in your effort to communicate… I have confidence that you will constantly keep it real…!
🇯🇲🏖️
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Thank you so much for your sweet encouragement. I tried hard to cut down on my rambling. And you are right. Keep it real and keep it going… Thanks for dropping by and throwing in your nice comment. I will try to live up to it…
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I believe I understand what you consider as a ‘predicament…’
But not so for me…
In your wish to be clear, one does not encounter much of the ‘baggage’ that native speakers naturally incorporate in their correspondence with others… sometimes purely unaware.
These hidden nuggets, or nuances act as subtle differences in the shade of meaning, expression, or sound… thereby allowing the various colours that can be incorporated into the language to be expressed.
What you say, is what you want to be said… and is thus pure…
The nuances of the native speaker is due to a lifetime of social familiarity… what you offer is gold… always gold… as a native speaker, I can offer you gold…or at times fool’s gold…!
With constant reading… from a variety of sources… much laid-back speaking with a diversity of persons… these nuances, like an invasive species will undoubtedly impregnate your expressions, and allow you too to offer up a version of… fool’s gold…!
🇯🇲🏖️
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Yes, as a native speaker, you are treating the language very differently. I recently realized that probably there’s no point for me to chase the style of a native speaker since I will never be that way myself. I really need to develop a style of my own, but I know that can be difficult… LOL Sometimes I just reduce myself to a rambler and keep on typing nonsense. It is hard to strike a balance between good self criticism and good natural flowing.
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It is not that difficult to formulate a style of your own, because YOU are… YOU… and your style will become more, and more unique with the passage of time… one thing for sure, I do not detect any form of rambling… or nonsensical utterance in your effort to communicate… I have confidence that you will constantly keep it real…!
🇯🇲🏖️
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Hmmm… the most ‘full’ amount of nothing I have read for a long time… when you were done, I was still hungry for more… of nothing…!
🇯🇲🏖️
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Thank you. Love your sweet encouragement. Actually you pointed out the thing that have puzzled me for a long time–my writing style as a non-native speaker. I just don’t have the smoothness and the fleshing out that native speakers just naturally have. I say something and then I just abruptly stop–that is very typical of a non-native speaker. LOL. I hope I have expressed this clearly, but maybe not.
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Congratulations on reaching a very fine milestone. Your blogs are always a delight to read and remind us every now and then of what it is like to be a fish out of water. Then there are those posts that we have a giggle at, feel sympathetic towards others misfortune and are thankful we aren’t in some of the relationships depicted.
It will be another 15 years before I reach my 1 000 post 😉
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Thank you for visiting. And what sweet encouragement you’ve always given me. Hahaha, I am mostly writing about things I have encountered. Hmm, you make me think that probably I want to write from a more positive angle. LOL. Wish I know how.
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Really? I think you are a good writer. I always look forward to reading your stories.
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Thank you for such a sweet comment. You know how to encourage me…
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Congratulations on this milestone. I am very happy you decided to join WordPress and I met you here. I enjoy your writing thoroughly and our chats about Roth and narcissism lol.
As for your writing, I wouldn’t be too concerned that your characters are “ridiculous and laughable and awkward” because most people are like that in real life too.
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That’s exactly what I want to say to you. I am so glad to have met you here and we can talk about topics that interest us.
Now I send a lot of hugs to you for the wisdom in your writing and the courage in your pursuit. Hahaha, and thank you for explaining “ridiculous, laughable, and awkward” in such a flattering way, which just shows how good you are in offering twists and surprises.
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Thanks so much. Sending hugs back your way too.
Well I tend to see myself as “ridiculous, laughable, and awkward” often so no wonder I always enjoy your stories and characters lol.
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Thank you for making the statement such a compliment.
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Congratulations on writing your 1000th post. That is a commendable feat in itself. You have a lovely style of writing which is honest, fearless, and straightforward witty. I know it’s tough to force the mind to create against its will. But this post in itself proves that you can write about anything while keeping your reader engrossed. Don’t be hard on yourself. I love reading your words and that’s not flattery. It’s the truth. Keep writing, Haoyan. 🙂
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Thank you for your encouragement and support. And I love your compliment even though I don’t think I deserve it. Thank you. You are so sweet. Yes, sometimes I just feel that I am no good since ideas just don’t come. LOL. Anyway, so glad I can be in the WP community and enjoy your company.
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I always find it is worthwhile to write about writing or write about how we have nothing to write, as it is truly a good way to get the words flowing and delve into our thought processes! ❤ Congratulations on 1000 posts too!
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Haha, me too. I can’t agree more. When we don’t have anything to write, just write about the fact that we have nothing. That’s a great way to practice…Thank you for your sweet encouragement.
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I have always enjoyed your posts. You are a good writer. You must be pulling our legs.
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Thank you so much. And you bring up such a wonderful point that I might be just teasing. And it is such an interesting observation about the cultural differences. I often have trouble to accurately estimate the seriousness or the humor or the subtlety of English speakers. And I was just a little frustrated when no idea came when I needed ideas. And thank you for your sweet message.
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The secret is that all writers have those times when ideas don’t come our way. The solution is perseverance. Don’t give up because you have a lot to say.
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So true. And thank you for your continuous encouragement. Ideas are often in short supply indeed. I rarely have those moments when ideas rush to me like overwhelmingly or like a flood. It never happens. LOL. I guess that’s just life…
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I enjoy coming here and reading your stories and about words you’ve learned. I really have not had a lot of exposure to Asian culture and so I find your characters intriguing. I started my blog with the intention of practicing writing as well.
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Congrats from me as well! Just enjoy the writing! We all know what it’s like having “nothing” to write about. But then the “nothing” turns into “something”. 1000 posts in 2.5 years is amazing in itself!
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Whenever I go back to those old posts, I feel that it is a different version of me. Somehow one’s thoughts change as time goes by. So true. When there’s nothing to write about, we know that we can’t force something out…
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Congratulations on your 1000th post. What a cool achievement. I say just write as you write and it will be fine!
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Thank you for visiting and commenting. Yes, 1000th. LOL.
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The dreams
not homemade
every day
from the drama
the soul
there where man
not the author
himself is
only a supporting role
has to play
the paradox
the language
the pictures
to people
who we know
with others
who remain unknown
serve every human being
if he tries
the reality
to recognize the soul
as counterpart
the events
one’s own world of experience
there are of them
every human
enough to write
and enough stories
to tell
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Nice poem and thank you for visiting.
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There are many different ways of writing. You only have to look at Beckett, Joyce – or even Cormac McCarthy. Wordsworth said something along the lines of this: that he intended to create the taste by which he would be judged! (Maybe he was a grandiose narcissist – but maybe that’s what it takes sometimes.)
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I mean when one doesn’t like his or her own style, it can be tricky since sometimes it is hard to change the style. Also the desired style may not even be suitable.
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Congratulations on your 1000th post, that is quite an accomplishment in itself. We are our own worst critics. You are the third person I have heard today who criticizes what they do. The first was my granddaughter who was tearing her hair out on an English essay, because she hated everything she had written. The second was an actor being interviewed on YouTube who never watches his movies because he criticizes every move that he made on screen. As I say, we are our own worst critics. But, 1000 posts, you must be doing something right. Looking forward to reading your next 1000.
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Hahaha, yes, it is good to have companies. I had that feeling too when one finishes writing something and can’t help tearing it to pieces because one is so dissatisfied with it. I guess we’ve all been there and done that. And thank you for the encouragement. I guess venting is very healthy for one’s mental health. After venting, one is back to one’s normal self again…
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