Image by Gerd Altmann from Pixabay
Why can’t I just keep my big mouth shut? Why can’t I? I mean I should have just left things as they were in their imperfect and unsatisfactory state. It is a little less appealing, but at least everybody was accepting the imperfection, which was something to be satisfied with, right?
However my inner child kicked in again–I was trying to be helpful, to do something about it, to make improvement, to show some “wisdom”. It turned out that my “wisdom” is imagined and believing in one’s imaginary wisdom is just a folly.
So I made a suggestion that sounded doable and clever. And I even got a few praises for it, which were the approval I have always been seeking for. Talk about insecurity and vanity. I have them all. So it takes one or two people a little trouble to carry it out and the result is very disappointing. So now we are back to square one. Now I feel really guilty that I’ve wasted everybody’s time.
How much responsibilities do one have for one’s suggestions? Years of experiences have told me that if it is a difficult issue or situation (which means the rate of success is low), very likely most of the suggestions will lead to bad results. Giving up is probably easier since doubling down–putting in more efforts in hope of getting a better result–will make one more frustrated.
I wish I learn from my mistakes, but I often don’t. I belong to those people who continue to make mistakes, repeating the same thing while expecting different results.
And I know that WordPress allows you to do surveys, but I don’t know how to do it. If I know how to do it, I will create a survey to ask everyone what to do when you are obliged to give suggestions…
Haoyan Do 
I know how you feel, I’m a people pleaser in the end and I make mistakes like that too. Don’t be too hard on yourself. We are who we are. You were simply trying to be helpful. And it’s okay to want approval. Sometimes we crave other peoples approval. Humans are like that.
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Yes, me too. I feel like my desire to please others is almost pathological and very unhealthy. I mean normal people would stay away from me since they think I am too insecure. And I end up making friends who really need help, but the friendship ends up being rather strained.
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I know exactly how you feel. I’m like that too and a lot of times that need to please others is my downfall.
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Where mistakes are concerned, the whole of life is a Groundhog Day. You tried. Did anybody else?
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Yes, life is filled with many trials and mostly errors. I not only tried… the problem is I felt a pathological urge to provide suggestions. I am too insecure…
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I feel your pain. I wouldn’t be so hard on yourself. At least you had an idea. It sounds like you were facing an impossible situation.
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So true. The problem with projects is that many fail and only a small portion succeed. I mean if one do trial and error, one ends up with mostly errors. Often that’s the price of taking risks. Just stay away from risky projects…
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I try to avoid making suggestions that only have a downside and just give comfort if I can. But sometimes I can’t resist giving suggestions, especially if I can relate them to mistakes I have made and if I am vested in the happiness of people involved. I usually close by making it clear that I am usually wrong and cite a few examples of bonehead advice I have given in the past.
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So true. That’s such a good advice, which will save a lot of headaches down the road, but for people who are eager to please and who are insecure, it is a pathology to try to gain more praise. It is a very bad practice and it ends up getting people hurt or angry.
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In my experience a lot of people do not actually want a practical solution to their problem. They just enjoy complaining about it and garnering sympathy!
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True. Sometimes people just say things to get some emotional support…
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You aren’t responsible for other people doing something you suggested. You might suggest I go jump in the lake but that doesn’t mean I have to do it. Unless it’s a hot day and I know how to swim…
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Haha, you crack me up. I hope I will never make that suggestion. Well, let’s hope we never follow bad suggestions, but sometimes we make bad decisions… I don’t know. Life is a mystery.
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