Image by I have been watching YouTube videos about narcissists and their damaging effects on people related to them. Somehow I started to feel like an amateur psychologist. So I talked with my friends L who’s a very good kind of woman and have a lot of common sense. After listening to what I had to say, she asked me, “why do you want to learn about this?”
“Because I want to analyze people around me, especially people I grew up with.” I said.
“Why? Why do you want to know?” She said plainly.
“Are you saying the less known about them, the better?” I asked.
She didn’t reply but I guessed that she agreed.
I was at first a little surprised that she adopts such an attitude. I have always felt that there are many psychological stories in her family too.
Knowing her for years, I understand her difficult relationship with her in-laws who often visit her place, only to talk with their son. Their daughter-in-law seems non-existent to them. Her husband’s cousin had been her friend for years, but then suddenly one day the friendship ceased to exist. She suspected that the husband’s family might have talked with this cousin not to befriend her.
I met her parents many times. And her parents’ way of talking with her is very interesting. They have a detoured way of saying things, never blunt or straightforward. I often feel that I have to guess what the real meaning is.
She often praises her husband, “he is bright, but I am not so bright”, “he knows how to do that; I tried but couldn’t do it”. I often wonder why she always adds self disapproval into her praise for her husband.
She has a lot to analyze, but she just doesn’t want to analyze them. Probably she is afraid that by examining more closely and more systematically, she might discover something more unpleasant than what she has already discovered.
Knowledge gives us pleasure or gives us pain? I guess different people have different opinions about this.
Haoyan Do 
Great story and a lot of truth to this piece. Sometimes when we talk about and examine what is really going on we have to face it an deal with it. Many people either don’t have the energy, health or they are afraid to change. Change can be had and painful. Also, I like the way you put the subtle abuse of the woman in your story. Blessings to you my friend. xoxoxoxo
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I’m doing the same thing you are doing as well, doing some research on people with NPD in preparation for my next job (if I can get it). I can imagine the main reason why she doesn’t want to learn or analyze is because it can trigger some emotional response. It’s been happening to me, too.
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The thing about some people is that they would rather delude themselves into believing that they are fine or their life is fine when it is not. You, on the other hand want to explore and analyse aspects of life that may make others uncomfortable. I took three years of psychology and always analyse everyone so I understand how you feel.
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That is a tragic time for people.
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I don’t know about your friend, but I have learned from people I know (good people) that they don’t want to examine their behavior or the behavior of others because it might require them to change. I understand to a degree, but I’d rather learn and change.
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