I have been watching YouTube videos about narcissists and their damaging effects on people related to them. Somehow I started to feel like an amateur psychologist. So I talked with my friends L who’s a very good kind of woman and have a lot of common sense. After listening to what I had to say, she asked me, “why do you want to learn about this?”
“Because I want to analyze people around me, especially people I grew up with.” I said.
“Why? Why do you want to know?” She said plainly.
“Are you saying the less known about them, the better?” I asked.
She didn’t reply but I guessed that she agreed.
I was at first a little surprised that she adopts such an attitude. I have always felt that there are many psychological stories in her family too.
Knowing her for years, I understand her difficult relationship with her in-laws who often visit her place, only to talk with their son. Their daughter-in-law seems non-existent to them. Her husband’s cousin had been her friend for years, but then suddenly one day the friendship ceased to exist. She suspected that the husband’s family might have talked with this cousin not to befriend her.
I met her parents many times. And her parents’ way of talking with her is very interesting. They have a detoured way of saying things, never blunt or straightforward. I often feel that I have to guess what the real meaning is.
She often praises her husband, “he is bright, but I am not so bright”, “he knows how to do that; I tried but couldn’t do it”. I often wonder why she always adds self disapproval into her praise for her husband.
She has a lot to analyze, but she just doesn’t want to analyze them. Probably she is afraid that by examining more closely and more systematically, she might discover something more unpleasant than what she has already discovered.
Knowledge gives us pleasure or gives us pain? I guess different people have different opinions about this.