I just feel that I’ve been busy all day today, but achieve very little. My mind and my time are all occupied by trivial, repetitive, and predictable things. And when I finally sit down to write something, I feel that I have nothing to write about. I could write the second part of the flash fiction “The Comedian”, but I have since developed a dislike towards the ending I came up with two days ago. So I have to postpone the writing of the second part until the time that I can come up with something better.
Also my writing has come to a weird plateau. When I try to write better, I feel contrived and affected; when I try to just follow the flow, I feel like ranting in cliche. On the one hand, it is the pitfall of trying too hard and not knowing how to hide one’s effort; on the other hand, it is the easy flowing of cliche that comes out of the mind all the time. What to do? Am I becoming like my mother who’s an expert in criticizing me? She passed away and I take up the baton and become another expert in criticizing me. I have to admit her criticism was quite on the spot: I’m awkward, plain, introverted, nerdy even. I do agree with her that I am a huge disappointment, but still I’m obliged to point out that these traits are very much gene related. There’s nothing I can do about them. It’s really my parents’ fault–they passed all these bad genes to me. Sometimes I imagine that I was conceived during one of my parents’ perpetual acrimonious interactions. Yes, it is very likely that the two sets of chromosomes I inherited, one set from each of them, are fighting each other to exhaustion every day. The end result is that I become the aftermath of a chromosome war. If you have ever watched any WWII movies, you will know the horror of those charred grounds, bombarded buildings etc. The aftermath of a war is definitely not pretty.
Well, I digress. I’m tired and want to go to bed now, but still I want to wait for Wordle, which comes out at midnight.
Haoyan Do 
Whenever my Dad was infuriated with me in an argument, I would point out that I was a product of his genetics and the environment he provided, so he was responsible for the result. He dearly loved my Mother, so he had nowhere to go but back off! BTW, I stay up after midnight to do the Wordle.
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Haha, so true. I’ve witnessed plenty of Dads getting furious whenever there’s an argument, but face it, family is created for argument, isn’t it? A family with no arguing is pretty rare. Or probably something is wrong. Me too. I tried to stay up late for the release of Wordle. Since NYTimes took over, I can only get to the result in 5 tries. All 5 tries. For “Rupee” and “Swill”, it was almost 6 tries.
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You just know too many words!
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Thank you. Words often baffle me. LOL and I try to get back…
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I usually find introverted people tend to have the deepest of thoughts and self-awareness of one’s thoughts as well as that of society’s. I think your introverted thinking has helped build a lot of characters into your stories. Perhaps your “social awkwardness” provides insight to human relations that most people don’t possess.
I know you will write the perfect ending for “The Comedian” very soon. I am sure of it.
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There is nothing wrong with being different … “plain”, a “nerd”, “introverted”. Which can also be translated into “intelligent”. I am too. I prefer listening to people instead of being the entertainer and enjoy small groups more than big ones, it took years to overcome the uncomfortable feeling of going somewhere on my own. Nerd is much better than a floozy, isn’t it? I’d rather talk about interesting things instead of the latest fashion or Z (movie) stars (even though I would love to have a pair of Louboutins one day …). And plain … well, that’s in the eye of the beholder. There’s beauty in everything. And someone with your imagination, your interest in difficult reading material, your writing skills, your views, overcoming your difficult childhood and becoming the admirable person you are … that’s part of your inner beauty. Please, don’t be disappointed in yourself!
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Yes, so true. And thank you for the praise. I am only an over-educated struggling immigrant like so many others. Being a nerd is good. It has downside, but we really can’t help it, can we? I have to say it is really important to find one’s own tribes that can appreciate one’s quirks and whims. Hahaha, yes, with your sweet encouragement, I will never be disappointed in myself, I think. Well, sometimes one is just living in a circle that doesn’t appreciate one very much and that is understandable.
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You’ve written a very real and painful feeling in such a creative way. I think your writing genes are your own. Love your sarcasm and wit. You give them such a simple and innocent edge. 🙂
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Thank you. I tend to think so too. You make me laugh so loud. I tend to think that the good genes I obtained on my own while the bad genes I got from my family. LOL.
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Ok, but when I feel I have “nothing to write about” I end up writing nothing, whereas you write such an interesting and insightful post that I read it 3 times through. You’re doing something right.
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Thank you. You are so sweet and encouraging. Love your positive spirit. With your encouragement, I will continue my struggle no matter what.
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In today’s world, it is important to be knowledgeable. With understanding comes the opportunity to be open minded. Your ability to write and share stories on your blog and provide a discourse on the meaning of words reflects these valuable qualities. I look forward to your offerings throughout the week. You have created a Pangea with the most interesting characters. And, that is something very worthwhile 😊
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Thank you for the sweet encouragement. Yes, sometimes when I have no idea what to write, it is frustrating. I guess it is good to let go when the ideas want to take a rest. You make me feel so much better. Well, I am so glad you like these characters. They are probably too real that it is quite boring. I still can’t find the balance between the real story and the melodrama. Well, it is a quest.
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