I couldn’t resist a discount. It didn’t matter what it was, books, clothes, phone, furniture, or even food. Whenever I heard of the word “sale”, I just have to buy it. And in 2021, I finally did try very hard to get rid of this habit. So far, it’s a partial success. I start to throw away old junks at least. Also I’ve made a rule that whenever I buy something, I will throw away one or two things. This rule will make sure that the clutter will not increase.
I have to unlearn trying to finish up everything. I always remember when I was young, I was told to finish every grain of rice in the bowl. Otherwise, it is called an unfinished meal. This has been instilled in me so well that I can’t stand if something is not finished. Obviously, life disagrees with me. In real life, leaving something unfinished is as common as finishing up. For example, if a book is not exciting, it is perfectly OK to leave it half read. However for a long time, I felt very guilty to start a new book when the previous book had been half read as if I had wasted half a bowl of rice.
Also a relationship seems to go on forever. I mean any kind of good relationships–a bad relationship can be finished easily. However it is hard or almost impossible to finish up a good relationship. It just goes on. Finishing is just a forced artificial pause we put on it. Who knows what will happen in the future?
Writing and revising can go on forever and dissatisfaction can go on forever too. There’s no end to it. A finish is just a line one draws for oneself.
I have to learn to forget about grammar, but I just can’t. As I am typing here, I am not thinking about English as a language, but rather I am thinking of it as a bunch of words controlled by grammar rules. I just can’t get out of the stranglehold of grammar.
I think this is the reason why I often read some poetry, which is not conforming to grammar and I wish reading it can set me free from the tight grip of grammatical correctness. However the effect is not obvious, almost negligible.
I try to unlearn my bluntness, but with only a little success. I am either very silent or very blunt. I just can’t be the diplomatic nuanced person who speaks with subtle delicate manners. I have no such gene in me.