Thirdly, I thought it was the word flow problem. And it is said that one should do “morning ranting” to help the word flow. I did try it for one or two weeks, but then it became boring. The mindless rambling didn’t go anywhere and it felt like I was wasting the energy of my … Continue reading My Self Sabotaging Mind (Flash Fiction Continued)
Category: Reflections
My Self Sabotaging Mind (Flash Fiction)
Flash Fiction #180 I’ve always had this feeling that anything I write doesn’t come out as I would like it to come out. I don’t know why I feel this way, but I do. I can’t even articulate why this is the case. What is the problem? What is the gap between what’s in my … Continue reading My Self Sabotaging Mind (Flash Fiction)
The Attachment Theory
I can’t believe I am so devious. I am definitely not. Well, I never consciously want to be devious, but probably my subconscious sabotages me in ways that I am not aware of. Anyway, all these thoughts come from the fact that I encountered an attachment test. Usually I don’t take such tests since I … Continue reading The Attachment Theory
My Mother & Ginseng
The price of ginseng has stayed flat, not affected at all by the current inflation. How strange. Just when I think everything is up and up, ginseng comes out and displays its steady price exactly like before, as if to mock my misconception. The autumn and the coming winter are the appropriate time to take … Continue reading My Mother & Ginseng
Satisfaction & Disappointment
I am satisfied and disappointed at the same time, satisfied with the passages of descriptions that are subdued and suggestive exactly to my liking, but disappointed with them due to the same reason. I actually go back to reread some of the lines, “I had believed that my simple presence could keep my family safe, … Continue reading Satisfaction & Disappointment
A Great Love Story Unwritten And Unread
Sometimes I can imagine myself attending my parents’ wedding and shouting at them, “please don’t. Don’t do that. Please do not create a hell for yourselves and for others.” And they heed my warning and believe me and part their ways, happily staying friends ever after, happily living their separate lives knowing that they are … Continue reading A Great Love Story Unwritten And Unread
The Underlying Messages Are So Different
I went to the grocery store last weekend and picked up a book from a three layered table display with books all piled on each layer, deliberately disorganized. I don’t want to mention the book’s name or the author’s name since I don’t like to say negative things about a living author. I prefer gentle … Continue reading The Underlying Messages Are So Different
The Impulse To Say Something
I just zoomed with a girl who didn’t like her Asian looks. Actually she didn’t explicitly say it, but I understood that she felt her looks made it hard for her to fit in, made her stand out in a negative way. She tried not to attract attention to herself because most of the attentions … Continue reading The Impulse To Say Something
When I Have Nothing To Write For Today
Another Sunday comes and goes, and I’ve done nothing except running to the stores, making a batch of soy milk, rising three cups of dough with a yeast packet, read the first half of a book that complains about modern love but disguised as a love story, bought three audible books on sale, which I … Continue reading When I Have Nothing To Write For Today
My First Relationship Heartache (Part 2)
(This is the 2nd part of the story. The 1st part is here.) As if she was deliberately trying to annoy me, she talked about her family all the time. I was not so much jealous of her good fortune as I was terribly bored since I had no family story to tell to reciprocate … Continue reading My First Relationship Heartache (Part 2)
My First Relationship Heartache (Flash Fiction Part 1)
Flash Fiction #178 Many years ago, I attended a boarding high school hundreds of miles away from home. My parents didn’t want me to go, but I insisted on it. The school was well known for its bad food, worn out dorms, rigid rules, and indifferent teachers. It would have discouraged any normal people from … Continue reading My First Relationship Heartache (Flash Fiction Part 1)
It Is A Mind Battle
I feel that every day I am wallowing in writing mistakes and can’t crawl out of it. Is this another trap? This feeling is punctuated by the thoughts that I am criticizing myself too much. The problem is that my brain seems to have a mind of its own. It doesn’t really follow my instructions. … Continue reading It Is A Mind Battle
Explaining Cultural Differences (Flash Fiction)
Flash Fiction #177 I was living in a house, named International House, on a semi rural and semi urban campus in Pennsylvania , which only accepted one or two people from the same country. So we ended up having a mixture of people from Asia, Africa, South America, Eastern Europe. Among us, there was one … Continue reading Explaining Cultural Differences (Flash Fiction)
Beyond The Compliment (Flash Fiction)
Flash Fiction #176 Adi: I am glad the meeting is over. Now listen to me, Lulan. You have really improved. The way you describe the issue and present your thought. You are so different now from when I first knew you. San: I totally agree. Lulan, you’ve changed. I would say a totally different person … Continue reading Beyond The Compliment (Flash Fiction)
Unblock the Natural Flow
I read several books on writing a long time ago. They were all books from serious or popular authors, literary or genre writers, but I couldn’t learn anything from them. So after three books, I stopped reading. It was useless to go through the motions if I couldn’t connect the content with my own problems. … Continue reading Unblock the Natural Flow
Freedom vs. Bigger Cage
“…freedom...my cage is simply getting bigger” is a quote from the book “All the Words I Kept Inside” by P. J. Gudpa. In one of the poems, she talked about seeking freedom and realizing she gets a bigger cage rather than true freedom. I think the freedom vs. bigger cage analogy can be used on … Continue reading Freedom vs. Bigger Cage
I Should Have Said Something
I was in the 99 Ranch store last weekend. I asked to buy a grocery bag at the checkout and the cashier gave me one. A minute later, she inquired if she had given me two bags instead of one. She blamed herself for making another mistake. I assured her that she didn't. I had … Continue reading I Should Have Said Something
Against Our Competitive Instincts
I have stopped playing Wordle now because I think it feeds the kind of narcissistic thinking that I want to get rid of. I just read a book about how to deal with emotionally immature people, which include narcissists. In it, the author, a psychologist, said that narcissists tend to like games—board games or trivial … Continue reading Against Our Competitive Instincts
Easy Or Pyrrhic?
I just learned the word pyrrhic, an adjective, meaning "won at too great a cost to have been worthwhile for the victor". It is pronounced "pirik". People always tell me that I pronounce "i" as if it is "ee", a typical non-native speaker's mistake. I have always wanted to improve my pronunciation, but I've never … Continue reading Easy Or Pyrrhic?
Cultural Differences In A Restaurant
As you know, I like to watch videos about food although I dislike cooking, eat almost like a vegan, and often delay dish washing until it is impossible to delay anymore. I used to like cooking and shopping for food etc., but my enthusiasm has suffered a steady decline for years. Recently, food is more … Continue reading Cultural Differences In A Restaurant
Bright Star
A young friend is facing life choices and quite disheartened that the world she has trusted for two decades is not what it looks like. I think she is on the threshold of some existential transformation. I just want to encourage her with a little practice poem I wrote. You are a bright star,shining your … Continue reading Bright Star
Voice Beyond Voice
I was reading "Salt" by Nayyirah Waheed, and was struck by this poem: when you are strugglingin yourwritingit usually meansyouare hearing one thingbut writing another I am just wondering if I "am hearing one thing and writing another", or seeing one thing but pretending I am not seeing it, or seeing something and thinking I've … Continue reading Voice Beyond Voice
Cultural Differences In Our Stories
The Location of Love Stories I watched a movie and read a book last week. It just so happened that both are about people escaping from the big cities and finding love in small towns in the Midwest or North Carolina. I can't help thinking that small town love stories can very well be its … Continue reading Cultural Differences In Our Stories
Dusk Is Always Perfect
The dusk descends, the sky dims,the air haunts, the laptop screen illuminates, the distant street lights glow. My perfect dusk again. I only wish it is longer, but that's too much to wish for. A thousand shades and shadows play by the window sill. It's an overture to an evening of moon and stars, but … Continue reading Dusk Is Always Perfect
Holiday Reminiscences (Continued)
My Mother During Holidays Although my mother was usually happier than usual during holidays, she never shied away from telling me and my father that she was overworked and overstretched during holidays. She cooked too much and didn't even have a minute to enjoy herself. Once I saw a dirt mark on the back of … Continue reading Holiday Reminiscences (Continued)
Holiday Reminiscences
Have you ever found that a missing front tooth makes a kid look cuter? I was just at the store and a kid like that smiled aimlessly around, revealing the little gap in his mouth. Kids are always cute, no matter how awkwardly they walk, how impertinent they speak. An adult can never get away … Continue reading Holiday Reminiscences
The Language Lesson (Flash Fiction)
Flash Fiction #174 I've been watching his lessons on social media for years. He is the best teacher--he speaks clearly, slowly, simply, with very few difficult words beyond the range of English cognates. I guess that his clear voice is partly due to his high quality microphone. Of course I am not suggesting that he … Continue reading The Language Lesson (Flash Fiction)
Inspire Somebody Unexpectedly
"Has she been living in a cave somewhere, not listening to the news, too busy toeing the real or imagined line?" I ask myself this question while smiling at her sweetly, the kind of smile that mixes business acumen with personal relationship. However recently I have started to doubt my ability to reach an ideal … Continue reading Inspire Somebody Unexpectedly
Being Thankful 2023
A holiday cleanup reveals a book under the sofa-- the worn out pages curvy and dusty, presenting a story half read, long forgotten. The movable tents called "ger", the exotic boots called "gutal", in the frozen world of northwestern Mongolia, where Tuvans, who are Mongolians, and Kazaks lived side by side. The riverbed is a … Continue reading Being Thankful 2023
I Just Need One More Idea
I really don't want to say this, but last night I was in a desperate search of an idea to tie several experiences and thoughts together with certain degree of coherence. I didn't think there was a real cohesion in it but an semblance of it was essential. Yes, the more one doesn't have it, … Continue reading I Just Need One More Idea
Battle For Schools And Grades
I was trying to explain to someone about the schools in Central Jersey area and I said, "it is a little crazy, right? Aren't you surprised?" "Oh no," she said, "I was expecting something like this. I had known about the craziness of schools here before we came." It was my turn to become surprised. … Continue reading Battle For Schools And Grades
You Have To Look Like You Know What You Are Doing
Time flies when one's having fun, but actually time flies whether one's having fun or not. Suddenly, Thanksgiving is around the corner again. Somehow I feel like I just had the previous Thanksgiving a month or two ago. In a short span of one or two months, a whole year has passed by, leaving me … Continue reading You Have To Look Like You Know What You Are Doing
The Garden Of Flowers Or Words
There's a couple living not far from me, and they are diligent gardeners. I often see them busy in their front yard, planting, clipping, digging, weeding during the spring or summer time. However their front yard still looks as unattended and neglected as those of other immigrants, who think that mowing the lawn is the … Continue reading The Garden Of Flowers Or Words
Romance Of The Steppe
I am trying to write a romance that is going to get rid of all the prevailing romance elements that I dislike, like the inevitable rescue scenes, rivalry, jealousy, frog to prince, love bombing etc. I want to write about two normal people who fall in love and talk their experiences and emotions in a … Continue reading Romance Of The Steppe
Business Idea Goes Awry (Flash Fiction)
Flash Fiction #172 Dameng has a relatively stable job at Rutgers University, but he is looking for some extra income. He is not an ambitious person and will be quite content with what he has if the inflation is not so high. Recently he has to replace the air conditioning at home, which is in … Continue reading Business Idea Goes Awry (Flash Fiction)
From Boring To Interesting
If I hear one more complaint, like "it's boring", I will explode and blast my fragile good girl image to pieces. I am not afraid of explosions, but I am wary of the consequences since I have to clean up the mess, rehabilitate my reputation, and extinguish the fire of self doubt. I think it … Continue reading From Boring To Interesting
Sunday’s Positivity
Canva Stock Image Poem Of The Day Sorry for the sink overflowing with pots and plates-- but I'm not really sorry, with no intention to clean it and put it away. Just think--how much time I've saved not to wash it, not to disrupt my brain wave, not to let the external dictate me. Annoyed … Continue reading Sunday’s Positivity
Reading But Not Really Reading
I finally find a way to read without really reading. Let me explain. I am at the level of lower intermediate in Spanish, which is a very awkward stage. Often people consider this a plateau, The freshness of the language is lost by now; the boredom sets in; the lack of progress is too glaring … Continue reading Reading But Not Really Reading
The Speculation Of The Unseen
Canva Stock Photo I talked with Arli yesterday who said she is always worried about her child, a teenager, who was going to be disadvantaged in a lot of ways in her opinion. When I asked her to elaborate on those disadvantages, she said she couldn't. She had no detail to give and no specific … Continue reading The Speculation Of The Unseen
The Purpose Of Transitions
Canva Stock Image I was asked to help with a transition here and a transition there. I don't know much about transitions, but I have so far been able to muddle through without getting complaints. The person who asked me for transitions was trying to change a writing she did a while ago and repurposed … Continue reading The Purpose Of Transitions
A Chance Encounter (Flash Fiction Continued)
canva stock image Flash Fiction #171 This is the 2nd half of the story. The 1st half is here. When the Korean Wave came, it put an end to the wildly popular Hong Kong shows and movies as well as the Japanese productions. With beautiful backdrops and costumes, Korean dramas look more spectacular. Not only … Continue reading A Chance Encounter (Flash Fiction Continued)
A Chance Encounter (Flash Fiction)
canva stock image Flash Fiction #171 "Why is it called martial arts? And why is it arts but not art? We say studio art and fine art without adding an 's' to the end, don't we?" Lulan says while staring at a tourist brochure which listed local attractions and festivals and competitions. Lulan and I … Continue reading A Chance Encounter (Flash Fiction)
A Lot To Think, But Nothing To Write
canva stock image I have nothing to write today. I did something thinking today and realized that I just couldn't write three posts at once and schedule them for the next three days. I can't do it. I also can't make a schedule, block up a time period, and ask myself to write for the … Continue reading A Lot To Think, But Nothing To Write
Quote Of The Day: Happy Contradictions
canva stock image Quote Of The Day #81 He was an expert in contradictory phrases. For example he would say: "We have no happiness chiefly because we are always looking for happiness." "he is looking for an honest man, and I am afraid he has very little time to be honest himself" "Courage is almost … Continue reading Quote Of The Day: Happy Contradictions
Cultural Differences On Beauty (Continued)
canva stock image This is the second half of the post. The first half is here. Two Different Systems Many people have two different aesthetic systems in their mind. For me and many other Asians who speak and utilize English as a second language, we have two distinct aesthetic systems, one connected with English and … Continue reading Cultural Differences On Beauty (Continued)
Cultural Differences On Beauty
canva stock image A food-and-travel video blogger on YouTube, whom I watch regularly, is putting up a video about his wife going for cosmetic surgery in Thailand. As you know, Thailand and South Korea are the places to go to become more "beautiful" for people living in the vicinity. I really feel…. Well, judging from … Continue reading Cultural Differences On Beauty
Change The Habit
Make It Three Instead Of One I was trying to change my habit from writing one post at a time to writing three posts at a time in the past three weeks. And guess what? I felt so uncomfortable with the change that I was completely blocked for a whole week. However I was determined … Continue reading Change The Habit
Beautiful Small Eyes And Flat Nose
Lu has been the handsomest man for 1800 years, adored by countless women (and men) throughout the history. Ancient books, articles, poems lavished beautiful words on his appearance. However there's not one word about the size of his eyes or the prominence of his nose. So I have always imagined him to have small eyes … Continue reading Beautiful Small Eyes And Flat Nose
Cultural Differences And Tastes
Canva Stock Image Just by pure accident, I discovered a historical K Drama dubbed in Spanish on YouTube, which has 20 episodes, each about 45 minutes. What a find. It makes Spanish more interesting to learn. In addition, this particular K Drama is not as good as those I watched before (actually quite a bad … Continue reading Cultural Differences And Tastes
A Different Perspective
I ran into L today in the supermarket. As you know, I have lost my interest in shopping for groceries ever since the inflation started. I used to like looking for coupons, buying discount stuff, and feeling the pleasure of saving money while spending money. However, recently coupons are hard to come by, discounts are … Continue reading A Different Perspective
Cultural Differences On Friendships
Canva Stock Photo I was helping somebody brainstorm, during which we talked about friendship and sisterhood etc. And then I couldn't help thinking about friends I had when I was young, living close to the border of Mongolian Steppe. For a moment, I wished I would stay there forever despite the wind swept winter bleakness … Continue reading Cultural Differences On Friendships
I Tried To Encourage Somebody
I tried to encourage somebody very young--she was going to take a very important exam. However when I started to write, I felt that all the cliches and platitudes poured in. I didn't have anything heartfelt to say on this occasion. I didn't have any problem with the requirement for politeness or the formality of … Continue reading I Tried To Encourage Somebody
How To Convince People?
Canva Stock Image Two days ago I did something that was very satisfying. I think I was a little nerdy and insistent; I might have talked more than I should; I could have just given the hint and sent the video link. Basically in a very imperfect way, I expressed myself and caught other people's … Continue reading How To Convince People?
I Want To Make Changes
This is a quote and a non-quote since I selected two lines from two long-ago, far-away, well-known authors and twisted and adjusted and amended them. I don't know if I should acknowledge them. I haven't been in a mood to write this week, not because of WP, which is becoming more halting and pausing lately, … Continue reading I Want To Make Changes
Stories Old And New
I am going to share two stories inspired by "Barbie". Although I haven't watched the movie "Barbie" yet, I accidentally stumbled on the movie reviews on the podcasts I listen (or watch) regularly before going to sleep. They sounded the spoiler alerts in the beginning of the reviews, but that didn't stop me from listening. … Continue reading Stories Old And New
The Professor’s Wife (Flash Fiction Part 2)
This is the second part of the story. The first part is here. It turns out that Alotus' father died two weeks ago and she just came back from attending the funeral overseas. She describes her journey and I express my condolences. Then as we walk, we veer towards meaningless pleasantries and mutual congratulations on … Continue reading The Professor’s Wife (Flash Fiction Part 2)
The Professor’s Wife (Flash Fiction Part 1)
Flash Fiction #170 I meet Alotus from time to time in stores, financial seminars, children's events etc. I wouldn't call her my particular friend since she is the kind of person who has a perfect life, who concentrates on her perfect family, who has no need for outside friendship, who tends to talk about "facts" … Continue reading The Professor’s Wife (Flash Fiction Part 1)
Nothing To Write Today
I have nothing to write today. I subscribe to the theory that one should write something even if one has nothing to write. So I am going to describe some random thoughts. Prediction Of This Winter It is said this winter is going to be a tough one for this area since the cold air … Continue reading Nothing To Write Today
Quote of The Day: Want Everything And Nothing (Part 6)
Image by Freepik This is the 6th part of the story. The previous parts are here: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5. Ted Hughes and his sister Olwyn Hughes imagined at first that a biography telling their side of the story would be helpful to them in fighting against the ever increasing army of Plath fans, … Continue reading Quote of The Day: Want Everything And Nothing (Part 6)
Cultural Differences In Daily Life
I have been watching some videos to learn Spanish--just a little bit every day for fun--and one of the YouTube videos is from a guy who works as a Spanish teacher in Germany. He is originally from Peru in South America, and he shares his thoughts on 30 things Germans do that he feels quite … Continue reading Cultural Differences In Daily Life
Quote of The Day: Want Everything And Nothing (Part 5)
Image by Freepik This is the 5th part of the story. The previous parts are here: 1, 2, 3, 4. If the after-life of Plath were a movie, Ted Hughes would be the main character who's perpetually plagued by his wife's ghost. There was no escape for him. He moved into the apartment his wife … Continue reading Quote of The Day: Want Everything And Nothing (Part 5)
Trivial Differences
It is not easy to write about cultural differences. It is very significant in your own mind. However once you write it and spell it out, it sounds so trivial that it makes you think it doesn't matter one way or the other. I don't know how it makes the undesirable transition from interesting to … Continue reading Trivial Differences
Quote of The Day: Want Everything And Nothing (Part 4)
Image by Freepik This is the 4th part of the story. The previous parts are here: 1, 2, 3. When Assia Wevill and David Wevill became their neighbor, Assia and Ted started an affair quickly and openly, much to Sylvia Plath's anguish and dismay. Ted had up to that point tried to be very respectful … Continue reading Quote of The Day: Want Everything And Nothing (Part 4)
Education In A Form Of Madness (Part 5)
This is the 5th part of the post. The previous parts are here: 1, 2, 3,4. Family Life I've known several families, which have the good luck of sending their kids to top colleges. They all live in this area. I have to say the aspiration of getting their kids into better colleges takes a … Continue reading Education In A Form Of Madness (Part 5)
Quote of The Day: Want Everything And Nothing (Part 3)
Image by Freepik This is the 3nd part of the story. The previous parts are here: 1 and 2. At Cambridge, Plath was astonished by the women in the university. This was the end of 1950s and it is said the university only started to accept women into their campus several years earlier. And all … Continue reading Quote of The Day: Want Everything And Nothing (Part 3)
Monday’s Meandering Mind
Be Positive It is hard to stay positive when one has to deal with a negative person. It makes one dream of the days when things will come to an end and the obligation of service is no longer there. For the time being, it is what it is and one has to endure it. … Continue reading Monday’s Meandering Mind
Education In A Form Of Madness (Part 4)
This is the 4rd part of the post. The previous parts are here: 1, 2, 3. Choices and More Choices I just watched an online video of a young Asian guy coming to the evening news of two weeks ago to defend his conservative Asian organization and its lawsuit, which precipitated the termination of affirmative … Continue reading Education In A Form Of Madness (Part 4)
Education In A Form Of Madness (Part 3)
This is the 3rd part of the post. The 1st and 2nd part are here and here. Insecurity And Not Belonging For most of the Asian immigrant families, insecurity and not belonging is an overwhelming feeling. The parents of the families, usually the first generation immigrants, live in the enclave of their own communities and … Continue reading Education In A Form Of Madness (Part 3)
The Sunday Morning News
As I was doing laundry today, I listened to some news from several Asian channels on YouTube. And I just couldn't believe my ears. This is what I heard. It was about this well known woman--it really didn't matter she was well known or not since it could happen to anybody. She was married in … Continue reading The Sunday Morning News
Education In A Form Of Madness (Continued)
This is the 2nd part of the post. The 1st part is here. In the 1st part of the post, I wrote a little about the recent termination of affirmative action in college admission. It is regrettable to see that Asians have played a central part in this event. I am not surprised since the … Continue reading Education In A Form Of Madness (Continued)
Quote of The Day: Want Everything And Nothing (Continued)
Image by Freepik This is the 2nd part of the story. The 1st part is here. I finally finished the two books "The Red Comet" and "The Silent Woman". And now let's proceed to continue the book review. In college, Plath got a chance to become an intern at the Mademoiselle magazine headquarter in New … Continue reading Quote of The Day: Want Everything And Nothing (Continued)
Education In A Form Of Madness
Education is a form of madness in the Asian community here in New Jersey. It has been this way for years, and every year it becomes a little crazier than the year before. And sometimes it seems to me that there is no limit to this craze and the intensity can just go up and … Continue reading Education In A Form Of Madness
Insomnia With No Somnia
Image by Deborah Hudson from Pixabay Last night, I had an insomnia. After counting a hundred sheep and lingering with the indecision of getting up or lying down, I searched for natural cures of sleeplessness online. As a non-native speaker, I am baffled with orphaned words. One of them is insomnia, which means sleeplessness. Where … Continue reading Insomnia With No Somnia
Characters And Hiccups
When something happens to the project you are doing with several other people, you feel this urge to talk about it, discuss it, recall past conversations, elaborate on different ways of moving forward, and describe possible outcomes. It is impossible to be silent. Your mind is absorbed in it and you feel that you have … Continue reading Characters And Hiccups
Sweet & Sour Sunday
Image by Jeff Klugiewicz from Pixabay One grey sky, two busy birds, and three tea bags steeped dark and strong. Sunday morning routines get delayed by a social media call--not really urgent but with an unexplained urgency. Unfinished chores wait at the sink and uncompleted shopping list sticks to the fridge. A leftover soup begs … Continue reading Sweet & Sour Sunday
Zoos And Animals (Continued)
Image by Almeida from Pixabay This is the second part of the post. The first part is here. Many normal people and parents like zoos too and like to bring their children to zoos, but narcissists like zoos for different reasons, most of which are not normal and most have a hidden sadistic twist. A … Continue reading Zoos And Animals (Continued)
Zoos and Animals
Image by Almeida from Pixabay I can't say every narcissistic parent loves zoo, but I can certainly say that many do. Here I am going to share a childhood story of mine first and then I am going to discuss why narcissists love taking their children to zoos. As I am typing this, I can … Continue reading Zoos and Animals
Haoyan Do 