I Tried To Encourage Somebody

I tried to encourage somebody very young–she was going to take a very important exam. However when I started to write, I felt that all the cliches and platitudes poured in. I didn’t have anything heartfelt to say on this occasion. I didn’t have any problem with the requirement for politeness or the formality of staying positive, but I had a problem with myself.

I guess it is because of my innate dislike for exams. I mean any exams. It is a necessary evil to our life. I know it and I respect the necessity. However I just can’t stop feeling that many exams are ridiculous and laughable, just as nonsensical as a beauty standard or an advertising pitch or an IQ test. I know I shouldn’t say it–I swore I wanted to be positive– but I just can’t stop feeling it. Many exams are just tests for short term memory–with a little bit of cramming, one can pass these exams with flying colors. Other exams can be tests for your wealth or willingness to hire tutors–with some instructions and preparation, one can pass these exams with no problem and forget about everything on the exams as soon as one gets the passing mark.

Well, in real life, we usually know our friends’ or colleagues’ abilities or capacities without have to submit them to formal tests. We know who can cook well, who are punctual, who can talk with whom to negotiate certain things, who are all talk but no actions, who can act but having a bit of temper, who is honest about his or her feelings and who is scared of his or her feelings.

Of course we often make mistakes and our estimation can be wrong. Also people change over time. I think one’s spirit and willingness change more often than one’s abilities.

Anyway, what I am trying to say is that a person can be the best test taker, but this same person can be very incapable of completing a certain role or fulfilling certain responsibilities, even if the role and the responsibilities are the content of the test, which the person has passed with the highest mark.

Alternatively, a person can be very capable of doing certain things and have passed all the qualification tests. However due to certain circumstances, he or she just can’t fit into a particular project team or certain group cultures. Communication issues, misunderstanding, personality traits, narcissism, bias, tolerance or intolerance for certain behaviors, and a lot of other conflicts may come into play. Whenever there is a group of people, things can get complicated and messy.

People often say that many tests exist not to test one’s real ability or one’s real performance in real life, but rather to test one’s ability to pass the tests. The problem is that in order to pass the tests, one has to study hard, prepare well, delay one’s gratification, being persevere despite one’s grumbling complaints etc. This means that what these tests are really testing is one’s willingness to conform, to bite the bullet, and to have the determination to get over the tests no matter what.

I guess I am probably a little biased against tests in general. There are enough merits in tests to justify its existence, enough usefulness to obscure its uselessness. The fact is that it is both good and bad, both helper and destroyer. It is hard to take a side without thinking of the virtues of the other side.

I think the damage exams (I mean most of the tests) have done to us is more on the side of psychology than anything else. Exams attract too much attention. I say this because we Asians tend to be fixated on passing tests and getting good marks. We tend to think tests are fair and judging people by test scores is fair, but actually neither tests nor judging people by tests are fair. Or probably we think tests are the lesser evils, but probably this is not true. Tests only give people the impression of being the lesser evil. In addition, we mistake the passing of a test for learning, the getting of good marks for smartness.

Still, tests are necessary evils for our life. And one of my friends said to me, “there are so many necessary evils in our life, don’t you think? Especially for women.” Actually she has an OK life, but still she feels she is not as happy as she should be.

stock photo from canva