A Note From An Acquaintance

Image by Deborah Hudson from Pixabay

I got a thank-you note in my inbox from her, in her plain style, bespeaks her happiness of a little unexpected triumph. She never adorns, not in her clothes, not in her speech, not in her manner, not in her note either. She is good with math and works as a statistician. To her, life is a mixture of logical deduction, number calculation, and old habits. I often wish that I have her simple mind and dedication. Wait, what I admire her most is her utter unawareness of boredom. Her mind is completely boredom-proof.

Her little triumph is not completely unexpected though, since I had urged her, advised her, and encouraged her to go ahead, despite the high possibility of rejection. You know me. When I try to persuade a person, I often overdo it, being too optimistic, saying things a little unrealistic, and showing my enthusiasm too forcefully. I think among all my flaws, my enthusiasm was what she disliked most. I am quite aware of this flaw of mine. Being a victim of narcissistic parents, I am a person who tend to get fixated on something, can’t take my mind off, and become dysregulated in my rant, which often breaks the delicate balance of social decorum in chatty conversations between two women. She would frown, and utter sharp opposition to my opinion, pointing out the possibility of failure, the impertinence of repeating a plea, and the disappointment that will be incurred.

So she and I are two very different people. However a year ago, she came to me for help on how she could communicate with her daughter’s teachers and other issues. This in turn has gradually expanded to other areas concerning herself, such as language, education, writing, resume, career etc. I have since given her a lot of advice. However from the very beginning, I’ve known that she and I are very different people. For some reason, she thinks everything is set in stone, and life is black and white. When I suggest flexibility and alternatives, she would often argue with me. The thing is when she tried my suggestions, often they didn’t work. Actually I pointed out to her early on whenever she takes a risk, it is very likely it may not work out. She just has to keep on trying and sometimes it works. However she is one of those people who cannot endure uncertainties or setbacks. She often came back to tell me that my advice didn’t work–her tones indicated that she was upset and not happy.

So the latest incident happened because she was not getting the position she wanted. So I suggested that she try to plead her case. She did it and got rejected, which prompted her to come to me to complain about it. So I persuaded her to try again. She didn’t want to try again since she felt it a humiliation to plead her case. She didn’t want to speak up since she’s an immigrant with an accent. She didn’t want to make herself conspicuous in case people felt that she was bothersome. She was afraid that people she was dealing with dislike Asians in general and dislike her specifically. She also was having spring allergy and people might think she was having Covid.

So I thought she wouldn’t take my advice and I forgot about her while busying with other things. Then two weeks later, which was yesterday, she sent me a message, saying that “it is a success and thank you for your help.”