Image by maryannandco photography from Pixabay
I made a very bad decision tonight to add the leftover debris (from my soymilk making process) into the scrambled eggs. I just didn’t want to waste the insoluble residues of soy beans. And guess what? The scrambled eggs tasted awful. This inflation is really getting on my nerves since I don’t want to throw away anything if I can possibly help it. For years, I would throw away all the soy bean residues after making soy milk. However that’s no longer the case. Now I’m left with at least half of a pound of soy slushes every week. Finding a way to consume it is a big problem. The thing is the soy slushes don’t taste good. It doesn’t taste good in pancakes, not good in soups, not good in scrambled eggs. It is only fit for the garbage bin.
As a victim of narcissistic parents, I know my decision making skills are very bad. I have the typical “magical thinking” weakness that such a victim usually possesses. A lot of unrealistic ideas bounce around in my mind constantly, which makes it hard for me to concentrate on realistic steps. At the same time, when I try to turn off the “magical thinking”, I end up making expedient decisions, which are just as bad since finding the easiest way out can make a person cynical, pessimistic, and short-sighted.
As a woman, I was also brought up on the false “beauty” of yielding my own choices. Although I have tried for years to get rid of this, old habits die hard. This means sometimes I will find myself making a decision that will reduce my freedom, happiness, time, energy etc., or being easily persuaded to do so. I often go to see a movie, which I don’t care for, just to be pleasant to my friends. I even watched soccer games every four years during the World Cup which I had absolutely zero interest. I went on crabbing or fishing or fruit picking trips just to be with friends–I dislike excursions in general and I try to avoid physical exertions as much as possible. I remember once we were in California driving towards San Francisco on highway One. I can’t remember why we detoured to the town of Salinas, but we did. I really wanted to say that I would love to go to the Steinbeck museum, but I dared not say it since I knew other people had no such interest.
The problem is that the Asian immigrant communities have plenty of engineers, scientists, businessmen etc., but most people don’t like literature at all. I mean back home, I know plenty of friends who like literature, but here I don’t have friends like that.
Haoyan Do 
Soy bean residue. Is that called okara? I just came across a blog that has recipes for that. It’s lots of desserts, btw: http://okaraproject.blogspot.com/search?updated-max=2013-12-06T07:27:00-08:00&max-results=4&start=8&by-date=false&m=0
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Thank you for the link. Yes, soy bean residue is very hard to make it taste good. LOL.
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At the back of my mind I have the feeling that if I go along with other people’s choices then at least I won’t be blamed if things turn out badly! So there are minor compensations.
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Tell me about it. This is the thing that many things narcissists do are so intertwined with human habits, cultural characteristics, and normal behaviors that it was very difficult to distinguish between constructive interactions (which include criticism and complaints) and destructive interactions. I was an expert in avoidance and hiding. I grew up as a “grey rock” as if I had no desire and no intention and no character, just to please my narcissistic parents and their flying monkeys. Narcissists train other people to be this way so that they can get away with their shaming, and their neglect are justified.
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My mum generally uses the residues to make some kind of dessert by adding molasses and stuff to it. Or you can add a little at a time to stews and soups. Or curries. I do that sometimes because I hate throwing stuff away too lol. Or you can use it to make vegan cheese.
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Oh, your mother is so good. She can make others eat them without complaints. However I am no good at it. LOL. I am not clever enough to save a buck while still making food tasty and delectable. Live and learn…
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Lol, she usually sneaks it into our food. Well, you’ll learn over time. It’s not easy to always repurpose stuff.
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She is a master chef. LOL. And so clever too. It really takes a lot of ingenuity to do that.
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Do what you love and don’t think about what other people might think. I guess some of my acquaintances boredly roll their eyes when I excitedly talk about my trip to Weimar in the footsteps of 18th century poets and writer Goethe and Schiller. Or my interests in history. Just visit the Steinbeck museum and enjoy it! … I’m totally with you wanting to use everything up and not throw away food. But sometimes something just tastes too horrible to continue eating.
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So true. We really need to be in a group of people who share similar interests. I mean otherwise it is quite a bore. For example, I like museums, but other people don’t. While they love hiking but I hate physical exertions. LOL. I guess that many of your acquaintances are engineers or businessmen or administrators who don’t have a literary interest. Asian community here too has a lot of scientists, engineers, businessmen etc. but hardly any writer or artists or people like that. Hmm, I actually like the online group so much better. LOL.
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You are sooo right 😂. I don’t like hiking either … I can walk around a city sightseeing all day long … but just taking a walk without really doing anything is such a waste of time 😁. I do lots of stuff on my own, going to museums, visiting castles … sure, it’s nice to have someone with you. But it’s also nice to enjoy the paintings / exhibitions etc on your own. With no one hurrying you along. Which is why I hardly ever join a guided tour. I just want to soak up the atmosphere and enjoy.
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Totally agree with you. When I was in California, I had to kowtow to the Californian view of respecting hiking as if it was the most fashionable thing to do. 😁 I didn’t like it at all but I had to feign my admiration. LOL. That is so like me. I am glad I have grown out of it since then.
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Feeling ya on the want to reuse whenever possible and make choices that are sustainable and in sync with a good way of life, but sometimes we really do learn through trial and error and some things just are not worth saving . . . 🍴
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So true. It takes a lot of creativity to reuse those debris or residues. Well, the creativity I don’t have. LOL.
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Well, here on the internet it might be easier.
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Yes, that is so true. Internet is quite different.
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You never know who might like to go to a Steinbeck museum unless you bring it up. Assuming that you are correct that no one would be interested, at least you would have said something about yourself in a non threatening way. Perhaps people will begin to define you closer to the truth. That should always be a good thing, no matter where it leads.
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You are soooo right. I have always trying to be a “grey rock”. Growing up with narcissistic parents, I had no choice. So I have developed into this grey rock who doesn’t reveal her real desire very much for fear of being shamed and ridiculed.
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The only good thing about my combination of arrogance and aging is that shame and ridicule are less threatening!
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You are soooo right. As I grow older and more matured, I am more concentrated on what I really want rather than other people’s opinions. Also steering away from toxic people is also important…
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