Remember I have been talking about a friend who refuses to listen or discuss about narcissism? Remember I said that I talked about my own narcissistic parents, and she tried to defend them as normal parental weaknesses or misunderstandings? Remember this friend? Let’s just say her name is Aya–a fictitious name but the event is as real as my typing hands.
So yesterday we talked and it was just like those women’s chat that can go on forever and ever. And one thing leads to another. She inevitably talks a little about her mother-in-law. And I said her mother-in-law sounds like a narcissistic parent. And I waited for her to contradict me as she had been doing for a while. Or she just steered the conversation away. Or she would just say, “Why analyzing people around us? Nothing good will come out of it.” Or something like that.
However to my surprise, she suddenly had a 180 degree change of attitude. It was unbelievable. She acknowledged that it might be true. Then she related many of her mother-in-law’s behaviors: she pitches her kids against each other; she selected one golden child and ignored the other; when luck and fortune fell unevenly on her kids, she would switch her selection of golden child; she has to be the star of every conversation no matter what, and her husband is so quiet that he might as well not to be there at all; she has negative comments about all her children’s friends etc; she tries to control her children’s life etc. The list goes on and on.
We actually started to compare her behavior with my mother–an extreme case of narcissism–and needless to say they are very much alike.
“My goodness, you are so knowledgeable on this.” She said in the end. And then she surprised me even more with a finale, “I am going to call her to tell her that she’s wrong. Also I am going to tell my husband.”
“NO…………” I screamed. “Absolutely not. Don’t do that.”
“Because the narcissist will never change. You are just opening a can of worms. You won’t be able to handle the aftermath. It might blow up. And things might happen. I mean the narcissist can go berserk.” I said.
When we finished our conversation, I asked her to promise me that she wouldn’t start a family war with this narcissism concept. However last night, I had the dread that I might have done something I didn’t intend to. I mean knowledge is dangerous and ignorance is a bliss. I mean at least sometimes. Or probably in this occasion. Why not just let it be?
Am I the kind of person who will complain when people don’t listen to me, and who will complain even more when people do listen to me?