Future Is A Tool

Image by Gerd Altmann from Pixabay

I talked with my friend L today. We unleashed our complaints about inflation and the hot weather etc. for an hour. Then the conversation inevitably veered towards family issues.

“You know my mother-in-law had said that she would raise our kid for us. Seriously. Raise our kid for us. That was long time ago, before our kid was born. However after our kid was born, she rarely lends a hand. Also before my husband and I got married, she, as my future mother-in-law, said that she would give me her jade bracelet. That’s like more than ten years ago. She still haven’t given me the bracelet. I guess she had never had the intention of giving me that. So why did she say something she never intended to do?” L said.

“That’s called future faking. I have been watching videos on narcissism and future faking is one of the manipulation narcissists do to their victims.” I said.

“Well, I don’t like to analyze things, especially not my relatives. You know. I am afraid that I might discover something I don’t want to discover.” L said.

“You want to talk about your relatives but you don’t want to analyze them.” I said.

“That’s true. I just want to talk to let out some steam to make me feel better, but I don’t want to analyze.” L said.

“Are you saying analyzing further will not make you feel better? But you haven’t tried to analyze them yet. How do you know you will not feel better once you have analyzed?” I said.

L could not be persuaded. After hanging up the phone, I recalled those instances when my own narcissistic relatives did future faking regularly. They said those things just to make themselves look good, to gain attention and admiration, to manipulate me so that I did something or made a decision according to their wishes.

Or it was an occasion when there were other people around. They wanted to show others how generous, helpful, magnanimous they were while you were the problem, you were the disappointment, you were the sulky ungrateful youngster. In those days, I was too gullible to see through their narcissistic games.

19 thoughts on “Future Is A Tool

    1. So true. These often happen among relatives and people who have emotional bond with each other. It is so bad when this happens. We all have to be vigilant to protect ourselves and vulnerable members among us.

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  1. I didn’t know there was an actual term for that. I have witnessed some of my relatives behave this way to and I can definitely tell you they are narcissists. I always try to avoid people like that and don’t think too much about their empty promises. It’s best to keep your distance when it comes to narcissists.

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    1. Yes, they only use the empty promises to manipulate the current situation, for example, to get a favorable something for themselves. They are not interested in fulfilling that promise.

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        1. Me too. I mean the narcissists just make social occasions a big manipulation battle. It is no fun. I tried to stay away as much as I could and didn’t want to join any of those. And then the narcissists would recruit flying monkeys to come to attack me since my aloofness was not to their liking.

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        2. They are very toxic. I mean a narcissist is a terrible person to his or her victim. This is especially so when the victim is a vulnerable person–a child, or a person in a vulnerable state of mind.

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        3. So true. So true. I have to say I was selected as this victim at least three times in my life. First by my narcissistic parents, especially my mom. Then by two friends of mine. Since I had been so used to be belittled by my mother that I thought narcissistic relationships with friends were normal. It took me a very long time to crawl out. i have to say a lot of victims never get the chance to crawl out of their trauma. This is why I want to write more stories about the victims so that other people can relate.

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        4. I’ve had a number of narcissistic friends and didn’t even realise they were narcissists until I got older. I think we normalise certain things that aren’t normal and become easy victims.

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  2. I’d never come across the term “future faking” before, so that’s interesting. I don’t think I’ve encountered much of it in my life – though I’ve often come across people who make unrealistic comments about what they’re going to do with their own lives! So their false promise is to themselves. We hear a lot about people with imposter syndrome or low self-esteem – but we don’t hear as much about people who overestimate their abilities. There ought to be a word for that too!

    Liked by 2 people

    1. So true. Making unrealistic comments or predicting some grandiose future results are common. They can be harmless follies and failings if it is done aimlessly and harmlessly. However for narcissists, it is a way for them to manipulate the present situation so that they can get some favorable consideration or sway certain decisions. It is one of narcissists’ major manipulation tools. It can be harmful to the victims if the victim is swindled into believing the narcissist and make bad decisions for himself or herself. Usually narcissists have emotional or psychological power over their victim–a romantic partner or a child.

      Liked by 1 person

  3. I didn’t realize there was a name for that! How interesting. It’s a shame L won’t think more deeply when she’s already suffering from these things. I understand wanting to put your head into the sand, but it doesn’t help.

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