“That’s like fifteen years ago when I just started a new job. And I was newly engaged and was thinking of getting married in two or three months. One day I was taking my night shift. He suddenly appeared, seemingly a little out of breath and out of spirit. I was not busy that night and he just sat down and talked with me, which was very odd. He’s not the kind of person who likes to talk with girls and we all thought he’s shy and reserved. I had not known that he could talk nonstop like that. He just went on and on. He hinted that I should take more time to think and to explore. Also he hinted one or two incidents of my future husband that I didn’t know.
“I was very surprised at his sudden exertion of himself. I didn’t say much and he talked a lot. Then he left just as abruptly as he arrived. Now I reflect on those days, I think that’s the kind of person he is. He seemed a little awkward, but I guess it’s only because he’s too sincere that sometimes he takes care of his honest words more than he takes care of his manners.
“I didn’t think much about what he said and soon I got married with my husband. However his words just pop out from time to time and many things he said really make sense. You know he is the exact opposite kind of person, I mean compared with my husband, who is smooth, polite, relaxed, never losing his cool.
“I have often wondered what would happen if I realized that he loved me. You know I didn’t realize he loved me. If I did, I might do something different. I might reconsider. The alternative history is fascinating.”
Sandi pauses and looks at her friends Lulan.
“Well, your husband has charm. When you were young, you couldn’t resist that kind of charm, while this secret admire of yours is a little awkward, a little shy, a little too sincere, a little less urbane, probably a little less handsome…” Lulan says.
“You are right. I guess I would probably still choose my husband. However why can’t I stop thinking about him? Why didn’t he express his love earlier? Is this called regret? Did something similar happen to your life? I mean I am just surprised how much I value that one hour talk that I could remember it so well and think about it so often.” Sandi says.
“Well, I don’t have anything similar happening to me. I wish I did. Let me think. Among all the human relationships, I have been most impressed and fascinated by those bubbly girls. You know I grew up in a very cold and reserved and silent family. When I came to America for college, I met several bubbly girls and I just couldn’t have enough of them. I was particularly friendly with Lydia, the student from South America. I think Chile is the country she’s from. She’s so loving and cheerful that I just couldn’t help wanting to be with her. I even thought of studying Spanish, but I abandoned the idea when I saw the huge verb conjugation tables. I often wonder why there are no bubbly girls among Asian women. I mean women are naturally bubbly, chatty, giggling, which are frowned upon by societies in general, but which are women’s natural attributes. This is why I dislike those authors, who considers women’s attributes silly and even deceptive. Anyway, that’s a different topic….” Here Lulan is interrupted by Sandi:
“Lulan, I start to think that you might be a lesbian.” Sandi says.
“I wondered about that for a long time, and I even tested myself but I think I am just a boring straight woman. If I were a lesbian, my life would probably have been more colorful. Too bad I am not. Or probably I haven’t explored that direction yet? And does it really matter? I mean my parents had a marriage that fit the most conservative values of any country, but look how much they tortured and plagued each other. I mean it doesn’t matter what kind of person. I mean a ghost, a one-eyed Cyclops, a three eyed monster, a Martian. I want the love. It doesn’t matter with who.” Lulan says.
“Oh, shut up, Lulan. If I have, for example, four ears, you would have been frightened and would have escaped as fast as you can. You only say this to show your inclusiveness because I don’t have four ears.” Sandi says.
“Well, let me think how I may respond to this…” Lulan says.