I see you looking at me in the dim light across the noisy space of the restaurant. Is that you? Or am I dreaming? Love from the distance past, still prickly. For a while, it seemed resigned to be forgotten, but then it reappears, with a new force and a new perspective. Your restrained self conscious laugh can still be heard, the wrinkles around the eyes are still visible, though often vaguely. You are very shy, but strive to be upbeat and forceful; you enjoy custom and habit, but claim you love change; you are by nature reserved, but your job is to be open to others and to communicate; you exercise every day, but pretend you are not serious about health and fitness and looks. You are an endearing contradiction, a shadow that overshadows, a look I try to retrace, a fate with no escape, a memory that stays, in a life of lost love.