I can’t believe I am still following him. LinkedIn sent me a message last night telling me that he posts one new year message and he hasn’t been posting any message for a while.
He is not into social media; he doesn’t post messages or write blogs. Actually we have no contact in the last twelve years or so even if we are living about ten to twenty miles apart all these times. Sometimes when I am driving on Route 1 north, I imagine that I am driving towards where he is without him knowing it. I know he used to live somewhere close to Woodbridge, where he grew up, and I believe he still lives somewhere near this area. It makes me warm up a little when I think of this.
Well, just perish the thought. What’s the use of all these random imaginations? Still, my idiotic heart won’t stop whining about how much I love him, and my rational brain has tried hard to tell the heart to shut up.
Here is the strategies I’ve designed to stop my aching heart. First, I don’t think I have anything in common with him other than we are both homo sapiens. Seriously, it is true. I don’t think he likes books, or plays, or history, or philosophy. He is into fitness, sports, giving presentations, drinking, socializing. Wait a minute. I think we both like to talk, but for very different purposes. He talks only to be social, which means he doesn’t mind what kind of contents or what kind of opinions. He can agree with anybody just to be polite and sociable. I talk to communicate and I have to have that fuzzy communicative feeling which is pulling and pushing on the edge of reasoning. So obviously he is very popular and very much liked, but I often feel mission aborted on the communication front. We would have bored each other to a quick breakup. Now I think of it a quick breakup is much more preferably since it means the relationship is finished once for all. Now it feels so unfinished.
Second, he is not into progress, diversity, learning, change. Well, he has a good life and he wants no change at all. If anything, he hates changes. In this aspect, he’s like ancient Egyptians, who love things as they are. Even in afterlife, they want to live exactly the same kind of life as when they are alive. He talks about progress, diversity, learning, and change, only because he wants to be social, courteous, and liked. If I ever point this out to him, he will be furious. LOL. He will. This is the thing. I can be polite and sociable for a while, but I know sooner or later my opinions will show up and he won’t like my opinion. I am actually very mild in the expression of my beliefs, but still even such kind of mildness will be too annoyingly leaning towards the left in his view.