Breach Of Resolution

Only two weeks into 2021, let me count all the breaches of my new year’s resolutions. I know it is a little too soon, isn’t it? What can I do?

#1 breach: I won’t watch any show about cooking or eating in 2021. That was my resolution, but in the past two weeks, I’ve watched five videos, around twelve minutes duration each, about cooking and ten videos on eating, among which three are about overeating. “No Gluttony” is supposed to be my motto of 2021 for my personal life and for my vicarious life online. Now it is motto no more. Just another principle I can’t live up to. I have to say the bar for this principle is quite low, but still I can’t clear it. If you were to tell me five years ago that one day I would watch other people eating and drinking with more relish than I would with my own food, I would have thought you were mad. But now just look at me. Almost every day, I will watch one video about food, as if eating three times a day hasn’t already occupied enough of my time.

#2 breach: I will exercise every day in 2021. Can’t believe I said this before. Didn’t I have any self knowledge? Didn’t I know that I can’t keep up with it? I haven’t exercised at all this week. Somebody suggested to me before that I should pick up something that I really enjoy, like swimming, biking, hiking etc., and do it consistently. The problem is I don’t enjoy any physical exertions. For a while, I walk around the neighborhood, but that is quite boring after you remember, unwittingly of course, all the little cracks and uneven spots in the sidewalk. Now I bought two wall mirrors and 3M stickers. I wish the mirrored wall and my own movements can inspire me. At this point, I almost think I am beyond inspiring and my lazy body is non-inspirable. I have hopes.

#3 breach: Stop nostalgic thoughts. I know this one is tough. As an immigrant, one always have nostalgic thoughts consciously, subconsciously, or in dreams. They are always there. The more you want to stop thinking about them, the more they show up. Today, I thought about a lychee alcohol I drank long time ago, which is so good. Somebody bought a bottle of it in Chicago and brought it to Pennsylvania, where I used to live. I’ve tried to search for the same thing in every liquor store I’ve ever visited, but no luck. I thought about my grandma, who’s such a super mom of 9 children. How much emotional scars she unknowingly inflicted on her offspring? Just the thought of her diligent work is enough to send me fleeing to the farthest corner on earth.

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