Richard The Red Nosed Brother

“Red nose” is a hereditary trait, passing from fathers to sons. One day, Richard, the red nosed brother of Rudolph, comes knocking at the door of Rudolph’s office.

“Hello, Rudie, how’s going? Long time no see.” Richard says. “Hello, there, Rich, what are you up to? You are gaining weight, aren’t you? Last week when I checked your Facebook, you posted that you were in Thailand. So are you back for good?” Rudolph says. “Look, Rudie, I have this gig coming up in Bangkok that pays really well. Would you care to join me?” Richard says.

Rudolph looks at Richard condescendingly. While Rudolph has been diligently climbing the reindeer social ladder–starting from his days of being the team leader in charge of Santa’s transportation and security–Richard has been descending into a chaotic life of pleasure and dissipation. For the past five years, Richard is practically a family disgrace.

“What kind of gig, if you don’t mind me asking?” Rudolph says. “Well, it’s in Siam Park, the best theme park in Bangkok, the archival to the Disneyland of Thailand. We just be ourselves, greet visitors, let monkeys ride us in parade, pose for photos. They told me if I can recruit you, the most famous reindeer, the pay will be doubled. Food and lodgings are free. This year, they want it big and real. Hi-tech artificial snow, temperature controlled igloo. They even invited two arctic wolves just to make it authentic North Pole like. But no worries, the wolves are overfed to prevent bloodshed.” Richard says.

“Look, Richard, to play a reindeer in a theme park is not my thing anymore. I am a lawyer now, representing the underrepresented reindeer population who demand compensation for the loss of our habitats as well as the abusive widespread infringement on our image and personality rights.” Rudolph says.

“If your plan had worked, I don’t have to work anymore. However it’s been more than five years, and you haven’t won any of the lawsuits. I mean suing Hallmark for unauthorized print of reindeer image on their cards is difficult.” Richard says.

“It takes time, but I tell you it will work.” Rudolph says. “Well, at least I am working hard for myself and for reindeer.”

“I am waiting for you to win cases and get a financial windfall, but in the meantime, I need to earn money to feed myself so that I won’t starve to death while waiting. I mean it is not like the good old days when we could roam free and life didn’t cost anything. Only a savage has that kind of privilege. Nowadays we the civilized reindeer have to work to pay for a heated stable at night.” Richard says.

“You know I have to pay the $500 fine you incurred three months ago. What were you thinking?” Rudolph says angrily.

“I didn’t do anything. I’m just roaming and minding my own business.” Richard says.

“Roaming is illegal in a capitalist society unless you are a WiFi device. Our traditional reindeer life of roaming is called trespassing or homelessness in the modern penal code. I’ve told you many times but you just don’t listen.” Rudolph says.

“All right, big shot lawyer. I hear you.” Richard says.

“I hope you don’t roam in Thailand. I warn you I will not fly to Thailand to rescue you if you are jailed for trespassing there.” Rudolph says.

“Don’t worry, big bro. Problem solved. I can roam free and beg for food wherever I can because I find a loophole in their layback legal system of that tropical country.” Richard smiles.

“Well, tell me about it.” Rudolph says, “you owe me $500 and it’s the least you can do to explain the legal system of Thailand to me.”

“OK. I declare I am a monk reindeer. And as long as I keep my status as a monk reindeer, I can roam free and people are obligated to feed me. The downside is that I have to practice celibacy and become a vegan. For reindeer these requirements are nothing. We are born vegan and never eat animal products. During the reindeer mating season, I just leave Thailand for a month. So my status in Thailand is forever a monk reindeer.” Richard says. “The best thing about being a monk reindeer is that people bring fruits and bread to the temple every day and it’s my privilege to eat their sacred food dedicated to their gods after they leave. I am overstuffed with banana, pineapple, dragon fruit, mango, papaya every day. Not the kind of food a reindeer is suitable for. Our body is wired to eat grass with high fibers, not the sweet delicious fruit. I just went for a medical checkup and my blood sugar is out of control.”

3 thoughts on “Richard The Red Nosed Brother

  1. Hey Haoyan Do! I’m not sure if you even if celebrate Christmas or New Years as we do, or even at the same time? Yet, even though wishing you a Merry Christmas and Happy New year may not fit your culture — I do so with only the best intentions — of best wishes for success and good-health in all you do.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thank you for your message, Wordofwayne. Happy holiday and a great new year to you! I’ve been absent from wordpress for a week and now I come back to send you this belated reply. I love all holidays–religious, secular, agnostic–with food, drink, and no work.

      Liked by 1 person

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