Let Me Sleep

I am so afraid of my insomnia that I started to dream of not sleeping last night. I dreamed of myself walking about in dread of going to bed to lie there without feeling sleepy. My grandma appeared in my dream too telling me that if I am not as headstrong as I have always been, I would have slept very well. I thought that’s not true. Many headstrong people sleep very well at night. Even in my dream, I keep on thinking. I don’t know how that works. Can people work from their sleep? Probably that’s how Coleridge wrote his Kubla Khan. I once met a girl from Bulgaria who knows about Kubla Khan. I thought she’s interested in Mongolian history, but she’s not. She just read this poem and doesn’t like it. I don’t like it either. We suddenly find something in common.

When I woke up this morning, I actually had a good night sleep despite the uneasy dream. It’s obviously the work of valerian roots, which works better than Melatonin in my opinion. I searched online and it is said it reduces anxiety and help people fall to sleep quicker. Probably it works better due to its effect on anxiety. I have a bit of anxiety–I thought we all have anxiety and it’s hard to find anybody without it–but I have always been this way and I’ve always slept well despite of being anxious.

I am a happy pessimist and a sleepy neurotic for most of my life, except for the last month or two. Without the sleep, I am on my way to become unhappy. Buddha is the best known happy pessimist and I am the best unknown happy pessimist. This valerian root works well on my sleep, but it may have caused my stomach upset. I have to cut it this week and see how things go.

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