A Game Of Confidence

I am feeling a little uncomfortable with myself when I think of this, but I can’t get rid of this feeling. I met Dodo last weekend again in the store and she talked about her kids. How intelligent is her son and how sweet is her daughter. She ranted, holding my hand as if I was going to flee the scene, which I had no intention of doing. Her earnest eyes pressed on me, her voice almost pleading. I was really touched by this act of intimacy and automatically nodded my head. She is very outgoing while I am not. I just wished that we could talk about something truly intimate, but I sometimes wonder if a woman can be a good mother to her children while simultaneously being a good friend to her friends. Can a dedicated good wife and good mother have spare time for anything else? In an ideal world, a woman should have time for everything, right?

I don’t think Dodo’s daughter Jo is not confident despite Dodo’s assertion otherwise. Dodo would say, “she just doesn’t have confidence. When she did something excellent, she would ask me, ‘is it good enough? Will people like it? I am afraid that so and so will not like it.’ And I have to assure her that everybody likes it and she should not be so hard on herself.”

I somehow feel that Jo said those things to get her mother’s attention. Dodo is obviously overworked and her attention is limited for her daughter. She doesn’t have much spare time every day, with work, chores, and a lot of other things to take care. Her husband and her son also occupy a chunk of her time and attention. What is left for the daughter is not much, and Jo has learned the techniques to attract her mother’s attention and to get her encouragement.

I wonder if Jo does this knowingly or unknowingly. Or a combination of both. She is very good at psychology, finding a niche for herself, squeezing a little bit attention out of her mother, getting some mental nurturing while not disturbing the balance of the family dynamic. I wonder if I should tell Dodo that Jo is growing up and having a lot of independent thoughts of her own. Who am I to say such a thing? Probably Dodo will get annoyed with me for telling her that. I should watch my big mouth, shouldn’t I?