I read several books on writing a long time ago. They were all books from serious or popular authors, literary or genre writers, but I couldn’t learn anything from them. So after three books, I stopped reading. It was useless to go through the motions if I couldn’t connect the content with my own problems. By the way, I have had the same problem with reading philosophical books, which are supposed to tell us how to live our life. However, when I had questions about my life and wanted to find some philosophical pointers, I couldn’t find any from the usual philosophical abstractions.
Anyway, recently I started to search for advice on writing again due to the fact that I was having a halting progress on my steppe romance book. And I’ve indeed found something, which describes not only how to make the word flow and unblock what is being blocked, but also gives hints on how to reconnect the blocked emotions for people who grew up in narcissistic families.
I have been quite excited about this. Why didn’t I search for it before? I guess all those talks with my female friends about becoming a normal human being despite the circumstances have really worked.
There are different exercises, among which is to give up control and let the word flow by itself. And it all comes from fear. Most new ideas involve risks that can cause fear, which can be a habitual thing if one grew up in a negative environment. Each blocked person has his or her own way of blocking the flow, like junk food (or any food), alcohol, being busy, being disciplined, feeling like a victim. Any of these can block a new thought (newly formed with an inadequate look) or drown a new voice (which talks in a little soft tone).
So giving up control is very important. This is a good practice not only for writers but also for victims of narcissism. In order to re-connect and unblock the flowing thoughts, one has to have faith in oneself.
I think I am such a blocked person. I am blocked most of the time and only in very rare conditions I feel I am not blocked. I think I do have the fear that I can lose self control. Blocked, we become the person we are used to and have control over ourselves. Unblocked, we become an uncontrolled person, who can be happy, but we are terrified of this person.
Well, probably I am this way. I subconsciously control and censor myself to the point that I make myself very unhappy. I think I often use self discipline to control myself and end up blocking myself into depression.
Anyway, here are the things I am going to do to unblock myself:
- Typing as much as possible as if I am ranting
- Write down the most absurd thoughts that I have
- Go against my usual opinions or thoughts or choices
- Since I always think my narcissistic parents severely damaged my body and mind, I am going to imagine ways of fighting with them, which will have the effect of empowering myself, if not in reality, at least in my imagination.
Haoyan Do 
I think your first point about typing/ranting is very useful. You just need to get something – anything – down on paper (so to speak). That breaks the block. To be honest I enjoy the subsequent editing process far more than that initial “unblocking”.
LikeLiked by 1 person
I wish I can enjoy the revision process like you do. I often feel dissatisfied and inadequate and insufficient. I really have to learn to be content but still my writing is unsatisfactory and I am beating myself up, but only making myself more unsatisfactory. LOL. The self is not satisfied to be explored…
LikeLike
Thanks for sharing these insights about writing!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you for visiting.
LikeLiked by 1 person
It’s so weird, even though I get writers block or struggle with writing I never really thought about reading things that could help. I don’t know why lol. It would probably have helped had I done that.
I’m glad you’re working on healing yourself, even if it’s imaginary, standing up to your parents even in your mind will be helpful. I struggle a lot with body dysmorphia and my therapist had me do a similar exercise to stand up to people who have body shamed me in the past and it helped. Writing down absurd thoughts is so helpful with intrusive thoughts as well. Which is sometimes a symptom when you’ve suffered narcissistic abuse.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Yes, you are right. We can learn a little bit every day, like do a dialog, construct a background, what to do when blocked. I just learned a trick that when blocked, one can write out a diagram about a person’s relationship, appearance, hobbies etc to give a visual to one’s mind. It is said when we blocked, it is usually on a linear progression. A visual diagram will disrupt the linear format and give the brain a two dimensional view.
What a nice mental exercise. Yes, to defy the bullies in one’s own mind and practice how to stand our ground and fight with them is great. So true. Many of my unrealistic fantasy come from my defense mechanism during my childhood. However once an adult, such absurd thoughts can derail a normal life. There are so much to learn… It is not easy to fight against narcissism.
LikeLiked by 1 person
That’s really smart, I’ll try the diagram method next time I have writers block.
Yes, I know I tend to use maladaptive daydreaming as a defense mechanism too. Even as an adult and that can cause problems.
LikeLiked by 1 person
So true. The solutions can cause unexpected problems too. I often have that. And writing is such a mind game that I am really not good at. I mean the self is the most stubborn enemy it seems. LOL. I am just have this very unsatisfactory feeling about my writing probably because I am always unsatisfied with myself. How to get out of this? I don’t know.
LikeLiked by 1 person
I know what you mean, when it comes to writing we’re sometimes our biggest enemy. I think practice helps with feeling negative about our writing. Practice will make you feel more confident.
LikeLike
I remember when my youngest son was paralyzed with writer’s block in his last year of college. I looked over his shoulder and told him not to start at the beginning, just start typing anything and later when the good stuff flows, you can go back and edit out the nonsense. He still couldn’t do it, so I sat down and started typing crazy stuff. When he saw my wild ramblings, he laughed and was finally able to get started on his own.
LikeLiked by 2 people
What a wonderful father you are, Geoff. You are right. I just read a book called “The Artist’s Way” and it says the same–just typing and suspend one’s self censure. And you would do it to show your son. I think you can be a wonderful teacher.
LikeLiked by 1 person
You are generous in your assessment. Who knew I would ever do anything the artist’s way!
LikeLike
Also on the journey to finding the approach that fits best for me. Unblocking the pathways to let our emotions flow naturally is challenging, and unlearning the habit of disconnecting from our feelings and expressions is even harder. I recently found that sharing my feelings with a trusted friend through honest conversations helps me feel supported and less isolated 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person