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Two days ago I did something that was very satisfying. I think I was a little nerdy and insistent; I might have talked more than I should; I could have just given the hint and sent the video link. Basically in a very imperfect way, I expressed myself and caught other people’s attention, which I was quite proud of.
This is what happened. I was listening to two people talking about an Asian immigrant family, which has been doing well and moving up the social ladder a bit. Well, they are still under the bamboo ceiling, but they have done so much better than the vast majority of immigrants who work very hard and barely make it. Anyway, they end up living in an uppity township in the west part of New Jersey, and sending their kids to all kinds of expensive activities or events without much Asian presence. The kids don’t enjoy such pastime and don’t want to go, but the parents insist. The school they attend don’t have other Asians and the kids feel like outsiders, but the parents push the kids to fit in no matter what.
As they were talking, I budged in and said, “this is a typical narcissism prevalent in the communities of minorities and immigrants. The desire to climb up and fit in is so high that it is toxic and narcissistic. They torture themselves and torture people around them with their narcissistic goals and behaviors.”
As you know these two people have always dismissed my talk about narcissism in the past. Among the two of them, one is more close to me, and she is the one who laughed at and joked about and disregarded the stories of my narcissistic parents. So these two are the kind of people who I didn’t think I could convince.
Anyway, as I said this, the two suddenly fell silent and listened to me intently. I couldn’t believe my luck that I could catch their attention. I should have left it there, quit talking, and disappear, leaving them to think about what I said. However you know me. I am a shy person and an introvert, but I am also quite nerdy. Whenever people have the smallest inclination to listen, I would talk and talk nonstop.
I took their silence and their attention as a great encouragement and started to dig deeper into the topic. Several minutes later, I was still talking and the two got bored and changed the topic.
Reflecting on this right now, I feel a sense of achievement and triumph. From now on, I am going to listen to other people’s stories and dissect them and point out the narcissistic elements like an amateur psychiatrist. LOL. I will do that and see what will happen to people in my circle. Will they be finally convinced that there are narcissists and narcissism in their life even if they don’t want to admit it? I don’t know. I guess it is an experiment. I am quite energized.
However, this might make me unpopular. What can a person do if she wants to do this experiment but also wants to be popular?
Haoyan Do 
A good uni friend of mine user to armchair diagnose almost everyone with ADHD/ADD, including himself of course before we even met. He used to do it so much, it basically became half a meme in our groups. Evenetually he simmered down a bit. I am not sure whether that had to do with the fact that we all grew a bit older with time and his focus/fixation switched targets a couple of times in those years (as it uses to do), the fact that he eventually went to a psychologist and got a proper diagnosis and not the general physician attestation to get some benefits in uni many around here do, or the fact that it also had to do with his latent/not-so-latent autism and he got a bit more actual and partially professional info on the topics instead only his self-learned resourcing until that time (though a lot of the “professionals” were less professional than he with his knowledge, to be honest).
What I’m trying to get at with this is that the way to your twofold goal might be to do it (like most things in life, kind of) with moderation, perhaps? That is, to note it down mentally or on paper as often as you want, but only express it in punctual doses? (It’s hard, I know, look at my usual and full comments…) Like you did in the case that you described in this post, a directed and fitting moment, with clear direction and conclusion (the last bit I assume in this case, but I know that you can do in general anyway). Maybe also consider doing it even more scientifically and try to come up with reasons why your mental note at that point in time is/was wrong (as legitimate counter-arguments of sorts) and come to a conclusion from both sides. You have a collected knowledge on it. Try to pinpoint the parts that’d seem relevant to the people in question and they’ll be happy to listen to it, since it already affects them. (Probably also the reason why these two in your story up there were taken in by your well-timed intervention.)
Oh, right, one last note: The memes about the armchair diagnoses still exist, and never were harmful, in case that’d be a question. His diagnoses did not disappear either. They’ve just become very rare, selective in the moments he brings them and the topic up, and then it is aimed and purposeful.
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