I Want To Make Changes

This is a quote and a non-quote since I selected two lines from two long-ago, far-away, well-known authors and twisted and adjusted and amended them. I don’t know if I should acknowledge them.

I haven’t been in a mood to write this week, not because of WP, which is becoming more halting and pausing lately, but rather because I want to change my style but don’t know how. I’ve been bored with my usual style of thinking and writing, like criticizing, whining, complaining, cautioning against something etc. I am not saying I will stop complaining, which is probably impossible to achieve anyway. I am just saying that this style is very tiresome after a while. I can’t stand myself when I am doing it. Although I grew up in a narcissistic family and watched everybody complain and be bitter, I am not a particularly bitter person myself and don’t want to be negative all the time. If anything, I want to get rid of the shadow of narcissism and shed the bad influence as much as possible.

And there’s a reason why I want to make changes right now. It is because last weekend, I tried to encourage somebody who was going to take an exam soon, but I didn’t know what to say. Not that I have no words of encouragement to offer, but rather I realized that what I was going to say were all cliches, or sweet nothing, or other people’s lines. It’s all politeness and social requirements.

However when I whine and criticize, my mind knows a shortcut and acts fast and pours out more smoothly. This is a very bad cycle, which actually encourages me to whine even more, since the last complaint is not good enough anymore for the present circumstance and a new better complaint has to be created.

Still I know I am a pessimistic person. So I cannot be very optimistic, which will be uncharacteristic of me. This being said, I believe even a pessimistic person can be happy. So in order to make myself a happy pessimist, I am going to make the following changes from now on:

• Perspectives: Instead of complaining, I can weave it into a learning process. Or probably I can laugh at my own mistakes or ignorance. It all depends on perspectives.
• Three At A Time: Write three posts and schedule them for three days. I have always wanted to do that but have failed to do it for the longest time. This way, I only need to write twice a week. I have to force myself to do it. Otherwise, I always wonder what I should put out every night and feel guilty when I don’t have anything to write about.
• Control The Flow: I don’t know how to control the flow and this is why there is a new urgency to achieve it. I either rant uncontrollably, or I try to be more selective but only to get myself choked on not having any appropriate words to use.
• Try To Imagine: I don’t have much imagination. And this is why I feel more comfortable writing about things that I know. All my flash fictions are non-fictions in essence. I will imagine more. Probably I can force myself to have more metaphors. I mean I can start with bad metaphors…

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Stock Image From Canva