Good Or Bad Listener

This is my first picture created from scratch using canva.com. The texts look awkwardly large, the pen has an unusually large attachment on the side for retractable purposes, the cell phone is strangely elongated, and the buttons on the laptop keyboard seem to be twisted on the edge. However, just look on the bright side–the lotus looks beautiful.

I am a very bad listener. I often listen without even thinking. Recently a very embarrassing incident has happened, which only demonstrates how bad a listener I am. And here is the story. C is a woman I have been in contact for a year or so. I have provided her with many advice on language, resumes, job information, her children (both in high school), how to talk with her children’s counselor, interview, wearing or not wearing masks etc. We’ve had phone calls and zoom meetings many times to the point that I thought we were having a bit of friendship. And during our conversations, I have asked her about her husband’s job and her children’s school. Her husband is a computer professional who is working in a well known company in South Jersey; her children are attending our local high school.

She told me about her husband’s company, the nature of their work, and whether they are hiring or not; she also told me about her children’s school–their homework, their activities, their clubs etc.

I absorbed everything she said, and considered that everything she said was correct. “Why does she want to lie to me? There’s no reason that she should lie to me. I am just an acquaintance who is not even in her circle of friends.” I told myself.

Anyway, soon I realized that what she told me was not really correct. Judging from what I heard from others, her remarks of her husband’s company didn’t add up. Also what she told me about her children’s school was not correct either. The school didn’t have the activities she talked about–maybe in the future but not yet–and the school didn’t achieve the kind of achievements she told me.

When other people told me that my information was not accurate, I told them I had very good source, who got it from her husband or her children or her children’s teachers. They didn’t argue with me but I know I was wrong. I obviously got the wrong information from C.

Why did C lie to me? Why couldn’t she just say she didn’t know when I asked her questions? Why did she have to paint such a rosy picture of her husband’s company and her children’s school? I mean she must know that I could ask other people the same questions to verify what she told me. Since the company and the school are local entities, it is not too hard for me to dig up some information.

I think there might be several reasons why she chose to lie. The first one is that she thought it didn’t matter–she didn’t have to be honest and we were not even friends. She thought these are just random, trivial knowledge–it doesn’t matter one way or another.

The second reason is that she thought she would lose face if she said she didn’t know. She wanted to show that she was an expert on information concerning her husband’s company and her children’s school. Or probably she thought that even if she was not an expert, there was a need for her to pretend to be an expert. Well, to this, I have to say sometimes a wife is the last one to know about her husband’s outside activities. She probably has the same issue with her children–sometimes a parent is the last one to know certain aspects of her children’s school if the children feel that there’s a need to hide the fact from the parent.

The third reason is probably me. Maybe I gave her the impression that I wanted to hear some good news or good numbers. Maybe I gave her the impression that I was the kind of person who expected her to know the answers to my questions, or who would think less of her if she just said she didn’t know. I hope I didn’t give people this kind of impression, but I know myself–sometimes I am too eager and too effusive in offering information and advice to others. Probably she disliked my eagerness. Or she mistook my eagerness as a sign of verbal bombardment, against which she had to defend herself with bluffs and lies.

Oh, poor woman. I feel sorry that she thought this way. Probably she thought the world was a place that always forced her to project an unreal image, or to withhold her true opinion, or to vehemently fight back one way or another. Well…I am just imagining. I don’t even know what kind of person she really is. This is just my conjecture.