Image by I was trying to write the story into a flash fiction, but I don’t have the ending for it. Real life stories usually have no endings, and I don’t have the imagination to add a finale that’s surprising yet plausible, satisfying yet entertaining. So without an ending, I guess the easy way will be to describe the story as it is.
My friend M has wonderful parents who are gentle creatures. They enjoy their daily routines. Her father cooks very well, and her mother didn’t push her to study hard as other mothers would did when she was young. Whenever her parents came to New Jersey for a visit, her mother would grow some vegetables in their backyard, which taste so much better than those from the supermarkets.
Over the years, she has told me something about her marriage. M is such a good girl, but her marriage is not a happy one. M told me that she had several choices before she married her husband, G, but she chose G because her parents approved him more than the other two.
And incidentally, all three men knew each other since they lived not too far away from each other and all worked in local places.
One night, hearing the news that she was going to get engaged to G, one of them paid her a surprise visit. He told her that G was not going to be a good husband to her (or to any woman). He said although he was not a close friend with G, he knew him and his general behavior, which is respectable and blameless on the outside but very undomesticated on the inside. This young man was so excited and awkward in his manner that M thought his behavior was very strange. M didn’t quite believe him.
The next day, when M told G about this incident, G brushed it off as something insignificant and unsurprising since G thought people were jealous him of his good look and good prospect. And when M told her parents about it, her parents thought the same–this only proved that G was a good choice, and his friends or acquaintances envied him.
And M and G got married. G’s politeness soon lost its attraction and his coldness became more conspicuous. Within one or two years, M felt she couldn’t communicate with G, who had very little interest in their domestic felicity.
In M’s hometown, the convention at the time was that a girl often had to marry a guy within three to four months after they decided to go steady and have a relationship. And often they didn’t live together as couples before their marriage. This has all changed now since nowadays people marry much later in life and it is more common for them to live together in their 20s. Anyway, M didn’t really know G until they lived together after they got married. And when she started to really know him, it was too late.
I don’t know all the particulars, but somehow I feel that M couldn’t decide which guy to choose and she chose one that her parents liked the most. Her parents felt that G had more economic promise, which made them disregard his personality and his narcissism etc. Even very gentle people have mild narcissism and give flawed advice to others.
(To Be Continued Here)
Haoyan Do 
The problem with parental pressures…sigh…
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Yes, the parents are gentle people but even mild narcissism can wreak havoc on the daughter’s life.
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Quite sad that her marriage is like this.
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Very sad indeed. I have observed many sad relationships and very few happy ones.
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Marry in haste and all that …. the maxim always holds good
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Yes, be careful and take care of ourselves since even mild narcissism can wreak havoc on our mind.
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Dang, it seems like half if not 75% of the world are narcissists.
And, it’s annoying how guilt and shame culture causes some people to be out of control with their lives and let outside forces affect them.
She chose her parents wishes and has a marriage with a neglectful man. I know a lot of men like that and a lot of women whose biology works more than their common sense so they end up getting with some depressed gamer guy or something similar that can’t do anything but sit in their house all day wasting away with video games or something else only just to the most mediocre of sex with them.
I don’t know. I just think most people can’t pick out partners or know what they want or spend time thinking of values and rush into stuff. Heck, some of my family members are like that because they grew up in a generations like that.
I wrote a lot on this comment, but I was emotionally invested in your story.😅
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😅😅 Thank you for your long comment. Yes, I’ve witnessed a lot of that too. I think women in a bad marriage suffer so much more since there are children involved, since women have to support the whole family in whatever way they can. So women should take care of themselves first. The problem with this neglectful man is that he is very polite on the outside, which somehow convinced her that he is a good match. However that proved to be untrue after she got to know him better…
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They don’t have to (not to sound disrespectful) they’re just raised and believe themselves to not be neglecting. A lot of women hate everything but love to keep up with the status quo because it gives their lives meaning. This isn’t a particular gender issue, all genders are like that. I truly think some people don’t have a meaning of life and exist because they were put here and people telling them what to do genuinely helps them—I’ve seen this much more with men than women.
She’s definitely not taking care of herself though because the thing is, to be in top shape is to take care of yourself at peak wellness or try to. If you have a bad relationship with your husband, your kids can tell and it will ultimately affect them. I was affected when my mom stayed with my dad in a loveless relationship with no benefits because she chose to be a woman before being a human. She’s still depressed and struggling because her man that chose to be a man and not a human crumpled our finances because he didn’t care for his health.
Being nice is also completely different from being friendly. My dad was friendly to everyone around here but majority of my life from when I was 8-10, he called me fat, got mad when I wanted to eat particular things, and would just emotionally neglect me. Figures he won’t take care of himself.
When you marry people, you also choose to be with them forever. You can love a person but if you can’t give and take and even have a decent relationship with them and they’re hiding and letting the worms out, then that’s unfortunate. That’s their choice ultimately.
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It’s just ridiculous how people want to go into a relationship and not take care of themselves or not have established values or boundaries. Is this cute or something?
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Yes, and whenever it happens, women are the ones who gets hurt very badly and children would get hurt in such relationships too. It is a very bad situation indeed.
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Unfortunately, narcissism is often disregarded until it’s too late. I think people can get to only truly know their partner after living together. Many will hide their true colours until they are married or living together.
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Great story. I think you should develop it.
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What happened to the guy who tried to warn M?
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He eventually married somebody else. Now M is regretful, but it is really not M’s fault. She should be allowed to have more experiences before she got married.
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