“To fight, you have to get yourself dirty.” George Orwell says that, but who wants to be dirty? We all want to be as clean, tidy, and pretty as we can, and often we worry that we are not clean, tidy and pretty enough. There are certain movies which can combine prettiness with a fighting scene, but that’s always staged. Not only that, it is probably shot 100 times with 10 supporting staff of various kinds–that’s not real life.
In real life, I am very lay back and I dislike fighting. However I fought with a girl once in middle school–6th grade. In my hometown, we start school at age 7 and primary school is only for five years. By 6th grade, at age 13, we are in middle school. My mother at the time was determined to move the family south, although my father and I preferred north. I especially loved the arid climate of the steppe and the cold air coming down from Mongolia and Siberia–it must be my Mongolian gene that’s speaking up.
So we moved south to a semi-rural area. My father worked in the local coal mine while my mother taught English to unenthusiastic adult students who needed to pass English tests get promotions. I disliked this move and disliked the new place. The climate is more humid than what I was used to. But most annoying of all, I was away from friends I grew up with and had to make an effort to start new friendship.
I soon gained two or three friends. I don’t have any attraction to boast about–a book worm can only exist at the end of the popularity spectrum, but I am very good with math and helping others with math homework was my tool to attract new friends. Our math homework was very heavy and it would be a burden to somebody who’s not good at it.
Among the new friends, only one was a boy who’s not shy of talking with girls, probably because he has two sisters. Or probably he’s a gay. I don’t know the reason and I can’t explain why he’s so friendly with girls. All the other boys were avoiding girls. And unbeknown to me, my arrival has somehow attracted him away from Lanlan, who’s the girl he grew up with. It’s no surprising. The math homework was so heavy and he needed better help, which he could get from me.
Lanlan was the leader of a girl clique of three or four members. Her father was a retired army officer with connections and she often came to school wearing better clothes and holding new gadgets. She was not happy with me and she’s not afraid to show it. Although she didn’t mention the boy at all, I suspected that the boy was the reason. She pushed me once or twice and did damage to my chair and desk–we had fixed seating. I fought back and we soon started little trivial skirmishes day in and day out. Then one day, for certain reason which I’ve already forgotten what it was by now, we faced each other squarely in the school hallway. She had her little clique of two girls behind her, egging her on while I was with two or three acquaintances. I was really scared. I knew I was not her match–she’s the same height as me, but she has bigger bone structures and looks stronger. Anybody who knew her would say she could beat two of me combine. Suddenly I had an idea. If I were to have any advantage at all, it would be to rush towards her and push her, probably even to the ground, using the force of impact before she was prepared. So I rushed towards her to execute my battle plan. Much to my surprise, she was startled and jumped away right before I could reach her, leaving me to crash with the wall. I was happy to see that she’s even more scared of me than I was of her.
At the dinner table that night, my parents talked about my school in a very strange way. My mother was always in her various scheme to cure her insomnia and anxiety, while my father was usually in his planning of getting away with a business trip to somewhere else. Since they rarely talked about my school or me unless something seriously wrong had happened, I felt very strange that they would talk this way, as if they wanted to induce me to talk about my school. I refused to oblige and kept my silence. However I thought my little school feud might have been reported by other students to their parents, who would undoubtedly talk with my mother. Her sense of family “face” was more important than anything else. She might have felt that the “face” was threatened by my action and she wanted to order me to do something about it. Whatever she wanted me to do must be bad for me–that had always been my conclusion since age five.
So I finished my dinner without saying anything and pretended to go to my desk to do my homework, but I couldn’t calm down. I was too agitated and couldn’t concentrate. Finally, I thought of going out for a stroll to calm myself down. It was in June and it was still hot and bright outside after 7PM. So I went out and walked around. My tormentor’s home was very close to where I lived and for some strange reason, I walked up the stairs of her building. I didn’t know why I did what I did–probably to confront her in front of her parents? Anyway, it was summer time and the door and the windows were open. Only the screen door was shut to keep insects away. I heard people inside talking at the dinner table. My tormentor was talking in a very weak and terrified voice and her father’s voice was quite loud–he was scolding her while her mother, in a voice similar to hers but older– was trying to stop her father. I couldn’t make out what it was really about. Probably they were talking about our feud or probably not. I couldn’t tell.
I stepped away and went downstairs. I felt so lucky. My parents were no angels, but at least they were civilized non-angels. My father would rather go his merry ways, but he would never scold me like a bully. I felt sorry for my tormentor who was terrorized by her father. Poor girl.
Haoyan Do 
This reminds me a of scene from the North Korean movie, “A Schoolgirl’s Diary” in which something similar happened, except they decided to run a race instead.
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Hmmm. You mean South Korean movie, right? I’ve never watched a North Korean movie. LOL.
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No, I mean North Korean. You can watch plenty of them on Youtube. Most of them are pretty boring, to be honest. There are three North Korean films I really liked, the rest not so much.
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Wow, I never know that. LOL. That’s interesting.
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Hurt people hurt people. A lot of school bullies become that way because they have a difficult home life and are treated badly and feel the need to take out their anger on others. As sad as that is, you still need to stand up to your bully otherwise it gets worse. I remember a girl picking on me in school because I was chubby and like you I’m a mild person so I let it go for a while but eventually I got really pissed and told her off and honestly I’m so glad I did. It shut her up and made me feel much better. I absolutely don’t regret it.
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That’s so true. Children of violent families tend to reproduce what they experience at home. Wow, don’t listen to the bully. You have the best proportion and don’t let people tell you otherwise. You are a most beautiful, intelligent, resourceful girl.
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Thanks. This was a long time ago and I really don’t care anymore since I’m much more secure about my looks. I think bullies just do it for the feeling of power.
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Yes, those bullies in our life will fade away. If anything, they teach us how to fend for ourselves.
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These flash non-fictions are as heartwarming as your flash fiction. This is a wonderful story and you have such interesting memories from your childhood. I wish you and that girl patched up and became friends. The fight seems strangely cute 😜
You are lucky to have had realised parents.
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Thank you for the praise. The girl and I didn’t patch up but we somehow stopped fighting. Now many years later, I feel regretful about it. I should go to her to communicate and to show my willingness to be friend. I have never been the ideal me. LOL.
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I am sure lots of field biologists and geologists are used to getting dirty, and nurses and doctors can expect to get really too dirty one of these days from work. Right?
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Thank you for the addition. Some of the jobs are really more challenging than others and I hope these people can get better paid and protected, especially during the pandemic.
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I learned a lot about this subject when I took a women’s self-defense class. There is always an emotional part to fighting too. Sometimes it’s necessary and it’s important to learn how far to push it. I learned the general rule is save the physical fighting for a time you really need it. In the meantime, try to deescalate the situation
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Well said. How far to push it is really important. Sometimes we can be stubborn and push too far. You are right–I should have deescalated the situation. As a new girl in town, I stirred the pot and didn’t pay my respect to the existing order. Though my indifferent parents wouldn’t guide me, I read books about this kind of thing but somehow I had never thought the same thing could happen to me. LOL.
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No one ever does think this will happen to them. I do recommend a self defense class for women if you’re interested. We all make mistakes too and we have to be very forgiving of ourselves
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Funny you should say this. I’ve been thinking of taking karate classes for years, but never really go to do it. LOL.
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You should try it!
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Thank you.
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You’re welcome 😊
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This is such an interesting and brave story. I can feel the pain involved with having to grow up with minimum parental interaction. But I’m glad that though your parents may have been aloof and serious, they spared you from a needless scolding. It’s tough to be picked on for the slightest or greatest fault. No line of logic remains. Thank you for sharing this story. I hope you have moved on and are happier. 🙂
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That’s right on the spot, Terveen. You just said it. I’ve always felt that I had no interaction with my parents. Well, they are not the bullying type, but they are very distant and indifferent. If somebody told me I’m not their kid, I would have believed it. Yes, my own self governance works much better than my days under my parents’ whims.
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Understanding parents who allow leeway for such childhood skirmishes, mischief, and the rest of the hurly burly that is part of those days are wonderfully realized and one should feel v grateful for having them!
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That’s true. Now looking back, I think I love those days with friends. Even my tormentor is a good girl and I wish I befriended her when I had the chance. Sigh.
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Teaching, “English to unenthusiastic adult students.” I know exactly what that feels like !
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LOL. That’s so true. Adult students are really not into learning at all.
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That’s a really interesting growing-up story. Did you two get along better later, if ever?
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I wish. We didn’t become friends, but she somehow stopped bothering me. Now I think of it, I should be the person who held out an olive branch to her and make amends, but I was not my ideal self. LOL. I want to be a better person, but often fail the goal.
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