Jack Of All Trade

Susan the director: “Nora Dickinson, you look exactly like Jane Millay I interviewed yesterday.”

Lan the actress: “My name is actually Lanlan Wong, but I have to change it. Otherwise I can’t get any interview for any part in Hollywood. You know Nora Ephron, Emily Dickinson, Jane Austen and Edna St. Vincent Millay are my favorite authors. I just mix and match their names to create new ones for me and my cousin Jeen Li.”

Susan: “Are you saying Jane Millay’s real name is Jeen Li, who’s your cousin? But I met you yesterday, not your cousin.”

Lan:”Oh, how perceptive you are. My cousin had a gig last week as an acrobat performer for the birthday party of a young girl, the daughter of the most eccentric movie star on Sunrise Boulevard. Unfortunately my cousin strained a muscle during the performance and couldn’t come to the interview yesterday. Anyway, we look alike, walk alike, talk alike. Meeting me is the same as meeting her. By the way she will recover next week, just in time for your shooting schedule.”

Susan: “I was at the party and I did see your cousin flipping through the air. That’s impressive. I hope she recovers soon. I would love to hire you both, but considering our script with only one minor Asian role, we can only hire one. We do have some Kung Fu or gymnastics or whatever. I mean we do need your cousin’s skills. Sorry to tell you that.”

Lan: “Oh, don’t be sorry. I can also play violin, paint the backdrop, clean up, cook, babysit, plan your budget…”

Susan:”You are such an overachiever.”

Lan, smiling beguilingly, “Just a super survivor, to be honest. I double majored in art and accounting in college, minored in music, hospitality, computer, Asian study, economics. I even went to night school to be a chef…”

Susan: “Accounting? wonderful. You know we really have a limited budget here and I wonder if you can help us to save some money somewhere.” She says and hands Lan a list with prices.

Lan: “Just by looking at it for a second, I find a big cost saving method. How about me and my cousin cook for everybody in one of the trailers? The food cost can be cut in half. Also, look here at my resume that I can also play music, paint, decorate, babysit, ride a horse or donkey, help with makeup and costume, clean up…”

Susan:”Lan, the service crew for the movie industry is unionized. We can’t hire you to do any of these. How about you just take care of cooking, budgeting, reading Edna St. Vincent Millay to me. You know I need a strong dose of disillusionment only Edna can provide.”