Satisfaction & Disappointment

I am satisfied and disappointed at the same time, satisfied with the passages of descriptions that are subdued and suggestive exactly to my liking, but disappointed with them due to the same reason.

I actually go back to reread some of the lines, “I had believed that my simple presence could keep my family safe, somehow, and so had tagged along on countless tedious walks and errands purely to ensure their continued well-being…”, “…what it was like to be penned into a corner where every choice was wrong…” Whenever I’ve got some time to spare, I would go back to pick up where I left off. The narrative seems to flow exactly like how I want it to flow, with a little twist of phrase here, a surprise observation there. I’ve read two other books by her with the same feeling of satisfaction.

The content of the book seems harmless. Or probably I should have said the content is a truthful reflection of the author’s daily life and thoughts. And here is what I really disagree with her. The women figures are all too accommodating and sad and compliant. The actions are given to the male figures—the father and the grandfather. Unfortunately for the father, his one brave gesture of trying to defy his environment and transport his relative’s body on a ferry was met with defeat and resulted in a sea burial. Unfortunately for the grandfather, his individuality was demonstrated in selfish unconcern for others. He even pulled a gun and shot at a group of teenagers idling and carousing and making noise outside of his window.

It is supposed to be a book about a teenage girl’s grow up experience, but the underlying message seems to imply that all the women in her family, despite their steely wills or various interests or occasional flashes of rebellious actions, pay more attention to the villainous grandfather than to themselves. I think this is the source of the sadness of this book despite the brilliance of the narration. The grandfather is narcissistic, obtuse, egoistic. His significance only lies in the fact that he is the owner of the hotel, from which the family owes its living. Every negative word about him has to be paired with a positive word that describes the girl’s loyalty to the family.

The grandmother is said to be the glue of the family and a storyteller, but she does nothing but put up her appearance at the dinner table, interact with an old servant, and express her concern for her husband who had minimum communication with her.

The mother is quite discontent, but she is trapped with no opportunity to leave her stifling life. With two children to care for, no property or skills of her own, she has to stay and suffer in silence.

With such models in front of her, the heroine’s sadness is almost guaranteed. I wonder what I would write if I had the author’s talent with words. Can I look at the same material, same family dynamic, same social structure and customs, and come up with a different story?